Sunday, August 31, 2008


That should get someone’s attention. To be more accurate this is about sexual orientation, mine specifically. I identify as pansexual because I am attracted to more then just men and women, get your mind out of the gutter I’m still talking human here.

There are more physical sexes then the usual two, any where from five up to fifteen depending on where you draw the line. That’s just physical sexes when you add gender into the mix it gets really complicated fast. What, you thought physical sex and gender were one and the same? Well not if you’re reading this blog you didn’t. Any way I have found myself sexual attracted to people who fall on many different points on the sex/gender continuum.

I first realized I was something other than straight when I fell in lust with David Bowie the first time I saw him in concert on the Ziggy Stardust tour. Then I saw Sulka in a porn performance and begin to understand just how deep the rabbit hole is. This might be the time to ask a question that is almost never asked, when did you realize you were heterosexual? Or maybe it’s variant, when did you decide to be heterosexual? While the first question doesn’t get asked much it at least makes sense. The second one does not, nor does it make sense when asked of those of us with other then straight sexual orientation. No one ‘decides’ their sexual preferences, they just are. Why they are is one of those interesting scientific questions that seem to have very complex answers.

Anyway I hope that gives those who are interested some insight to what pansexual means and what my sexual orientation is.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

I Haven’t Been Paying Attention

I hadn’t realized that California had singed a treaty with The Empire. I actually feel safer now that we are helping rebuild the Death Star and have Star Destroyers based out of San Francisco.

Hat Tip to Mick Farren

Friday, August 29, 2008

Another Friday Random Ten

Shock To The System by Billy Idol – Blond and sullen, a look I like
Cities On Flame With Rock and Roll by Blue Oyster Cult – Intellectual Metal
Night Fall by Halford – Leather daddy Metal
War Machine by Kiss – Theatrical and better than they are given credit for
Jam Stew by Deep Purple – Did I mention I’m a sucker for good keyboards?
I Don’t Want Your Loved by Duran Duran – Style and substance
Going Mobile by The Who – The Who at their best
Dragula by Rob Zombie – Chaos in action
Beautiful World by Devo – Deeply cynical which is why I love it
Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz – Drool! Lenny is so HOT!

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Which I pretty much am at a minimum, it’s also my favorite band and one of my favorite songs. So, because I’m lazy, here is a video of the song as done by Joan Jett and the latest AC/DC song.

Joan is so hot!

More on my, and others, sexual orientation soon(ish)

(The ‘ish’ is all important in Hollywood)

Buffy Antichrist

Yes Buffy has helped lead 950,000 women away from Christian churches in Britain since 1989 according to Dr Kristin Aune . Dr. Aune contends that the example of Buffy as a strong independent woman into witchcraft (yes I know she was the slayer and Willow was the witch, work with me) as they become dissatisfied with the churches hierarchy and traditional values. These seem to be reasonable things to reject in favor of egalitarian values and women power.

All I can say is go Buffy go!

Two Men Have Had a Child!

At least according to Terry Moran of ABC's Nightline. Yep Barack Obama is the child of two men, see for yourself.

hat tip to Kate Bornstien

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


First new AC/DC song in TEN years! Rock and Roll Train which will be the new ‘Black Ice’

Justice for Buyisiwe

Three years ago in South Africa Buyisiwe was gang raped by nine men. They have still not been brought to trial. One in Nine is asking people to sign a petition to pressure the government to finaly give Buyisiwe some measure of justice. Pleases go and sign this petition now and then ask all your friends to do the same.

Via brownfemipower

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Step Into The Unknown

Well I have an firm appointment with Dr. Maddie Deutsch for next month. Si the chance of going on hormones is very high, so is the chance of ending what’s left of my marriage. I am frightened and elated at the same time. My but life can be stressful.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Worthy Projects

Want to help fight AIDS, help conquer Cancer, help feed the world with more nutritious rice and more? Well you can just by donating your computers spare CPU cycles. Just scroll down and click on the World Community Grid widget on the right, Then you to can do some real god in the world without really having to do much.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Well I just sent an email off to a doctor inquiring about her services for transgender patients. I am optimistic on two points, she is transgender herself and she was recommended by Alexander Yoo therapist extraordinaire. Now I just have to talk to Lyne about this and hope she understands and that this doesn’t bring what’s left of my marriage down.

Whish me luck, I think I need it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Randomness, You Call This Randomness?

Yes because I have been busy baking and this is all I have time for.

I got an unwelcome handout stuck at the bottom of my stairs, a slick card pimping Proposition 8 that vile bit of anti-marriage homophobia. The lying scum behind it claim it ‘protects marriage’ when what it really does is alter the California constitution to enshrine discrimination. I just hope the Equality For All people get their own flyers out soon.

I am starting to look for doctors to get hormones from. I need to start transition, I am tearing myself apart trying to remain where I am.

Turbo Coke is a wonderfully drink. You make it with a shot of espresso, a jigger of Vanilla syrup and a bottle of Coca Cola preferably the good stuff from Mexico all poured over ice. A sovereign remedy for what ails you.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Friday Random Ten +1

Charles Atlas Song by Tim Curry
Big Mess by Devo
3rd Eye Landslide by Monster Magnet
Potters Field by Anthrax
I’m A Man by The Stooges
Show No Mercy by Slayer
You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead or Alive
Let’s Dance b David Bowie
Rince Briotánach by Clannad
White, Clean and Neat by Robert Plant
The Krush Brothers by Duran Duran

Special bonus feature!

The Dictators do Search and Destroy,

The Dead Boys do Search and Destroy

Soundgarden does Search and Destroy

An finally the one and only Stooges do Search and Destroy

You think I might like this song?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

‘We’re Still Losing Miss Brunner’

It’s incredible that McCain and Obama are in a statistical dead heat . Over the last forty years or so the Republican candidate has closed the gap with the Democratic candidate through September and October. If the Democrat does not have a large enough lead they lose. With an effective dead heat Obama is in big trouble, big trouble against a wrinkled old white guy who is promising four more years of Bush’s failed policies.

While part of the blame for this incredible situation can be laid at the MSM’s coddling of McCain and part to the Republican slime machine but Obama has a share of the blame. His constant drift to the right and his pandering to the theocrats is losing him the very people who got him the nomination. Hopefully Obama is a good enough campaigner to realize that his current course is only going to get him a historical foot note. Damn this is all so depressing.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fuck All

I think I may have lost my best friend. I don’t know for sure yet but there is a good possibility. I just quit a mailing list he started that I was a moderator on out of pique, despair or I don’t know what.

Damn, I’m getting chocked up again. Is this sad excuse for a life worth the trouble? Hell is I know, all I do know is that I’m crying, sad, lonely and really afraid.

My but this has taken a personal turn.


I just deleted my Facebook and MySpace accounts. I wasn’t doing anything with them, I have no social life, so decided to get rid of them to cut down on the emails I’m getting. Self pitying of me I know but if I don’t take pity on me who will?

Speaking of emails, any one know how to delete a yahoo email account and profile? They really don’t make it easy to go away.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Randomness everywhere Randomness

There are times when I want to shout “Fuck The Straights”, especially after I read some hateful vile comments like these .

The there are people like Ren who is worth thrice her weight in platinum.

I also get pissed at how most transphobes just write transmen out of the picture altogether. Just another ‘un-person’ not that any of these bigots consider any of us in any way human.

I am also tired of the bigots hiding behind their ‘religion’ as if that justifies their hate.

As much as I would like to do terrible things involving flesh hooks to all the transphobes out there I know that way lies the apocalypse.

Natasha, Why so serious?

Let’s put a smile on that face!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Violence & Social Justice

Don’t really mix, Brownfemipower has a excellent post up on why violence is a counter productive tactic. One of the best testimonials for this is the continued use of agents provocateurs by most police forces especially the political ones like the F.B.I. They want violence so they can have an excuse for a mass crackdown. The history of social justice movements in the 60’s is littered with examples of F.B.I agents not only urging violence but providing the materials and expertise to carry out acts of violence.

So if you’re any sort of social justice organizer or worker and are even contemplating some sort of violent action to dramatize your cause remember, you’re doing just what the police want.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Randomness Yet Again

I live up in the mountains north of Los Angeles. You would think it would be cooler here than L.A. It isn’t and I have no A.C. It’s really too hot to sleep well so I’m sleep deprived and you get posts like this.

You would think with a track record of predicting the End Of The World every time we queers get some small measure of equal protection under the law that the theocrats would be totally discredited. But they are at it again with Proposition 8 here in California and at least 41% of the voting population seems to be buying it. I blame Reagan and Jerry Brown. Reagan for starting to screw up education in this state with his deliberate under funding of the schools and Brown for not doing anything to reverse Reagan’s cuts when he had the chance. Brown has only partially made up for it by putting aa valid ballot description on Proposition 8.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Ten Commandments

Why so serious about the Ten Commandments? I know there are theocrats who say they are the basis of all our laws so lets see how many I have broken shall we?

I. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Well there goes the first one down the tubes. Before I gave up gods altogether I was Asatruar and still have graven idols on my mantel.

II. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God

Another one bites the dust, I do swear a lot. Doe sit count for anything that I don’t belive in the old fart anymore?

III. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

Three strikes, I guess I’m out. Sundays just another day and yesy I have worked on Sundays.

IV. Honor your father and mother

OK, this one I have kept.

V. You shall not murder

Nope never killed anyone and I hope never to kill anyone.

VI. You shall not commit adultery

Well there was no physical relation ship, it was strictly cyber, but yeah I did break this one. It was a crappy thing to do but I was in love with both him and Lyne. Still doesn’t make it right.

VII. You shall not steal

Do office supplies count? No really do they?

VIII. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor

Never done it, never will.

IX. You shall not covet your neighbor's house

Well of course I have. It would be un-American not to. Our whole economy is built on coveting stuff and then working hard to get it. Or going deeply into debt, that works to,

X. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife

Can honestly say I never have.

So there we have it. I’ve broken five and a half commandments, still not sure about where stealing office supplies falls.

Oh, I’ve also blasphemed and done it regularly. So I guess I’m going straight to hell, that is I would be if there were a hell.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

More Randomness

Dr. Cooper says gender is the prime directive of our society and I agree. Cross the gender lines, step out of your assigned box and you make most people very nervous and a great many afraid enough to hurt or kill the one who dared step out of their assigned role. This makes it very scary to step outside of your assigned, by society, gender role. But we do it because trying to be something we’re not can kill us too.

So when I read some bigoted idiot implying we change our gender presentation on a whim or for some evil deception I get really pissed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Pronouns and Gender

English is a very gendered language, though not as gendered as say Spanish. The default gender pronouns are usually male in English. This is especially true with people or animals where gender is not immediately obvious. As a neuro-linguistic experiment, I am going to use female pronouns for anyone or thing that I am not certain of the gender of. I plan to do this for 90 days and see what the results are. At the least it will help me consciously focus on gender identity and hopefully help break cultural conditioning. I hope to follow this up by using one of the set of gender neutral pronouns for everyone for 90 days. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

About Time

The National Transgender Action Coalition has cut a public service announcement,

Now it just needs to be widely seen.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Real Names

Over at Possummomma there is a post about ‘Coming Out’ in an atheist context. It got me to thinking, always dangerous I know.

I don‘t blog under my ‘real’ name but quite a few people know me IRL as Natasha, some only know me as Natasha. I would like to change my name legally but for personal reasons that’s not going to happen any time soon. I’m walking a line between coming out and saying ‘yes I’m a trans-women, deal with it’ and not hiding it but not announcing it. Again this is all for personal reasons.

As for my atheism I don’t announce it either but will be happy to proclaim it should any one ask. Not that anyone has thanks to the assumption by most people that if you’re white you’re either Christian or Jewish. Of course if this nation weren’t so obsessed with religion it wouldn’t matter any way.

AS for when, where or how to come out that is an intensely personal decision to be weighed carefully before going ahead. While it would be nice for various civil rights struggles if everyone could be out not everyone can and it’s their decision and theirs alone to make.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Random Stuff

I saw Eddie Izzard at the Kodak Theater last night. I laughed until my face hurt. Two hours of hilarity. If you don’t know Eddie or know him only from ‘The Riches’ go find the DVD’s of Dress to Kill , Glorious and Circle for a start. You’ll thank me later.

Just got finished watching the Beijing Olympics open ceremony on our DVR, it was spectacular. As Bob Costas said, retire the opening ceremony trophy. The only flaw was NBC’s crappy camera work. I think they need to send their entire production staff to a reeducation center.

Meanwhile our boob of a president sat slumped in his seat looking at his watch obviously bored by the whole thing. We cannot get rid of him soon enough. I have ragged on Obama a lot here but he is still far better then the wrinkled old white guy, I’ve got to go with Eddie Izzard here if you’re a Democrat vote for Obama, if you’re a Republican vote for Obama. Remember, vote early, vote often.

Breaking News; well sort of a judge let Attorney General Jerry Browns description of Proposition 8 stand. Of course the bigots behind the anti-marriage proposition are whining and threaten to appeal. I’m going to have a lot more to say about this.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Baby The Last Time (For Now)

63 years ago we hit Nagasaki with a Plutonium bomb killing 39,000 people outright. That was the second, and for now, last time a nuclear bomb was dropped in anger.

I actually have a sort of direct connection to Fat Boy, the bomb dropped on Nagasaki. My father, who was an aircraft engineer, worked on the design of the tail of the bomb. He never talked about it, what I know my mother told me, because he considered nuclear weapons pure evil. This from a man who tried to join the army immediately after Pearl Harbor and was rejected because he was far more valuable designing aircraft like the P-51 Mustang.

I agree with dad nuclear weapons are pure evil. The one possibly good thing that came from Hiroshima and Nagasaki was that they were such horrible examples that no one has used nuclear weapons since then. Some nations, such as Argentina, Brazil and South Africa have even had the good sense to abandon advanced weapons programs. Meanwhile the U.S. plans to ‘modernize’ and in effect expand its nuclear arsenal. Given the arrogant stupidity of the people running this country now the possibility that they would resort to ‘tactical’ nuclear weapons is very real.

It's astounding, time is fleeting Madness takes its toll

Friday, August 8, 2008

Yet Another Friday Random Ten

Yet more random tunes via iTunes Party Shuffle

The Actor by The Moody Blues – The 60’s at their best
Rubber Leggs by The Stooges – Punk Gods!
Pride of Man by Quicksilver Messenger Service – More 60’s rock
Bargain by The Who – The Who at their best, very good indeed
Kill The King by Megadeth – Cynical Metal
Similar Features by Melissa Etheridge – Rocker extraordinare
The Hell of it by Paul Williams – Good song, bad movie
Rio by Duran Duran – Style and substance
A Skeleton In The Closet by Anthrax – Raw aggression but fun

Thursday, August 7, 2008

LaLa Land Rulez!

Los Angeles county is the most ethnically diverse county in the U.S. The population is 70% ‘minority’ nowadays. This means more than just a lot of good food, it means many cultures influencing each other. From that ferment arises new ways of looking at things, new ways of thinking and new ways of living. A bit messy at times yes but dammed exciting all the same.

Why So Serious?

This may become a series because there are a lot of people I want to ask that question of. One person I want to ask is Bill Donohue of the Catholic League. Billy boys main goal in life seems to be finding things to be outraged about, that and spreading lying propaganda like this . His biggest snit fit lately was when PZ Myers noted that the Eucharist is basically just a cracker. Bill is still having snit fits about that. So really Billy, who so serious?

Lets put a smile on that face!

So I do Have Something to Say

After having sort of signed off back at the end of July saying I had nothing to say all I’ve doing is post after post. Seems I was mistaken and now I’m off on a stream of conciseness ramble. My main limit on all this is time and energy neither of which do I have enough of. So I steal it when and where I can which mans at some point this blog will descend in to total madness. Stay tuned it should be fun.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Reasons for Fear

This is why I am afraid. I know I live in a much safer environment then these women did, I’m white and live in California where I actually have some legal protections. Of course those factors did not help Gwen Araujo at all. So there is always that fear in the back of my head, I’m learning to live with it and not let it control my life. So to all the haters who don’t like the way I or my trans siblings live or lives, FUCK OFF AND DIE

A New Candidate Enters the Ring

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

And proves she's smarter then McCain, not that that's hard to do.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Fear of Being

Monica Roberts Speaks a hard truth about when and how to disclose your trans status. A truth so hard it just made me examine my own motives for how I handle that question. I am very up-front about being trans and bring up early and now I realize I do that partly out of fear. Fear of what might happen if the person finds out for themselves, fear of the emotional pain if the reject me after I've gotten emotionally involved with them and most of all fear of physical violence. It sucks to have to fear for your life just for being who you are.

Obama as the Cotton Candy Candidate

Minister Lisa Vazquez has an interesting and I think valid view point on Obama as a candidate. As you may have gathered I am not a Obama fan, mostly because of his centrist to conservative policies. Minister Vazquez takes him to task for his skill in kowtowing white expectations. Go read it all now, Lisa Vazquez is a skilled writer and well worth your time.

But I do Love the Constitution

I may not like what has and is being done in the name of America but I do love the U.S. Constitution. While far from perfect it has managed to hold the republic together had provide a check on some of the more egregious idiots who have held public office. It is also a wonderfully secular document, which specifically prohibits a religious test for federal office and through the 14th amendment for any office in the U.S. If we’re lucky the Constitution may even survive the mauling it has taken at the hands of the current administration. So lets go be good citizens and defend the Constitution from all who would violate (e.g. most politicians)

Monday, August 4, 2008

“We’re Loosing Miss Brunner”

Obama is losing, he went from a nine point lead to dead even in a week according to the latest AP Poll . This against a doddering fossil like McCain is beyond disastrous. Part of this is due to the Republican slime machines steady ‘Obama.Is.A.Scarry.Black.Man.Who.Is.Too.Popular.And.Is.A.Communist. Muslim.Terrorist.’ drum beat. But part is, I think, due to Obama’s steady drift to the right, voting for FISA, supporting off shore drilling and vowing to expand the war in Afghanistan among others. Not exactly stands designed to energize the base. This begins to look like the same campaign tactics that worked so brilliantly for the Democrats in 2000 and 2004. The Democratic party and Obama seem to have definite suicidal tendencies.

A Self-Important Twerp

Rick Moran must be getting paid by the word the way he runs on. He is actually deluded enough to state We all like to think of ourselves as having thick skins and that such criticism rolls off our backs and never affects us. This is the macho element in blogging, one of its more unattractive and dishonest aspects.. I just want to ask him Why so Serious?

Lets put a smile on that face!


I do hate America

America was never innocent, that cherry was popped back in 1492. America was built on wars of conquest, genocide and attempted genocide. Yeah, genocide a number of the first nations are gone, no one left at all. For the ones who did survive ‘Manifest Destiny’ there were church run ‘schools’ i.e. re-education centers to have their language and culture beaten out of them. Not a lot to be proud of really.

Another Theme Song

Given the number of cars I’ve wrecked this seems very appropriate…

Sunday, August 3, 2008


Or Super Genius, well neither actually but as the little widget on the right says this blogs reading level is genius why not? Of course the widget is wildly optimistic and totally wrong but still….

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Friday Random Ten, Saturday Edition

Almost Cut My Hair by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Ah old one note Neal
Gloria by Patti Smith – My favorite version of this song
We Will Rock You by Queen – And Freddy certainly did
Berry Rides Again by Steppenwolf – Even the Germans recognize Chuck Berry’s Greatness
Sit Down, I Think I Love You by Buffalo Springfield – Typical 60’s pop
Julie’s In The Drug Squad by The Clash – Nothings changed here in 30+ years, still the ‘War On Drugs’
Send For The Man by AC/DC – The Best Live Band Ever
The Mission (Live) by Queensryche – The best of the Seattle bands
Skin O’ My Teeth by Megadeth – Life after Metallica
Dr. Livingstone, I Presume by The Moody Blues – And were still looking, maybe there nothing there

Friday, August 1, 2008

Why So Serious?

Really why so serious? After all no one here gets out alive despite what so many religions say. As for plans, they always fail sooner or later, as the great Helmuth von Moltke said ‘No battle plan survives contact with the enemy’. I will take it further, and say that no plan survives contact with reality. Order is boring, there needs to be more chaos. So here’s to reality and chaos. Again why so serious?