A Random Bit of *meh*

I haven’t posted much of late because, well, I have no focus or motivation. I’m not really depressed but not really living either. More surviving hand to mouth. A gray existence without any real hope, dead boring actually. Oh there are bright spots, a friend to see, therapy and an occasional good time with Lyne. But the changes I long for aren’t going to happen most likely. It’s times like these that I understand the yearning some people have for an apocalypse, anything to end their stultifying existence. Me, I just don’t care any more.

A Friday of Random Tunes, Ten In Number And A Bit Late

Don’t You Need by Melissa Etheridge
Save A Prayer by Duran Duran
Never Gonna Stop by Rob Zombie
Too Much Of Anything by The Who
I Belong To You by Lenny Kravitz
Cyberia by Afro Celts
Delivering The Goods by Judas Priest
In My Time Of Dying by Led Zeppelin
Retro by Puya
Life On Mars? By David Bowie

Fuck The World

I really hate the world and everyone in it right now. If I could trigger the atomic apocalypse I would, let the microbes inherit the earth. Today’s oppressed are tomorrow’s oppressor. The religious still happily use their religion as an excuse to hate, torture and murder. It’s no coincidence that the U.S. military has been more openly religious and more prone to atrocity the last decade or so. Money and corruption have ruled the land and now the economy is in terminal meltdown.

As for me I just want to find a warm dark hole and quietly bleed to death.

A Random Friday Random Ten

All You Need Is Elves by Bob Rivers
Burnin’ Up by Judas Priest
United by Judas Priest
Don’t Need A Gun by Billy Idol
Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz
Sound And Vision by David Bowie
Metal Messiah by Judas Priest
I’ve Done Everything For You by Sammy Hagar
Black Velveteen by Lenny Kravitz
My Man by The Eagles

A Happy Yule and Marry Christmas to all my Readers

Yes I know I’m an atheist but solstice celebrations are as old as history. So enjoy your time with your chosen family and tribe. Peace and Love to you all.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

I can’t say I’m surprised that Obama picked smiling theocrat Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration, disappointed but not surprised. After all Obama pledged to expand Bush’s ill begotten ‘faith based initiative’, accepted an invitation to a rigged debate with McCain at Saddleback church and recently praised Warren for his work against AIDS. How long before Obama softens his position on queer rights or reproductive freedom? Fuck it; I’m going to sleep before I start drinking heavily.



For a more cogent analysis go to Pam’s House Blend or Queers United which also ahs a nice list of people to email to protest this outrage.

*sigh*

So broke, so tired lying in a bed with panting huskies and realizing I still have it pretty good. I do, I am reasonably healthy and live with someone I both love and like. I have a job that lets me work from home, which is cool. So I am not unaware have good things are for me. The problem is I’m not who I really am and am not even sure who the real me is. Sometimes I just want to sleep for a thousand years.

Yea For Kenneth Cole

I always considered Kenneth Cole too trendy and expensive to bother with. Now I’m reevaluating my position because of this ad.



Kenneth Cole has just done more for Transgender rights then the HRC ever has by giving us a very human face. So thank you Kenneth Cole for treating like we are human which is far more then we get from most of the world.

They are a bit expensive but I covet these gloves

Incoherent Randomness

Having no coherent thought processes this will have to do.

The LGBTIQ ‘leadership’ like HRC is basically bloody useless. They are hopelessly locked into an inside the beltway mindset. The power of grass roots organizing and direct action are totally lost on them. Thus the string of electoral defeats and queer issues already being shifted the very back burner for the Obama administration there to be forgotten. They seem not to know the effect that boycotts, sit-ins and strikes had on the black civil rights struggle.

I’m torn; I have a number of very religious and spiritual friends whom I dearly love. On the other hand I have a deepening contempt for organized religion. The exaltation of blind faith over reason and the disparaging of critical thought is incredibly damaging to the human race. It leads to kind compassionate people blindly following their church and voting to confirm the second class (at best) status of queers in this country.

Things like this lead me to start seeing the Joker not as a villain but as a role model.

Really Natasha, Why so serious?

Let’s put a smile on that face!

Another (somewhat) Late Friday Randomness Ten

Feed On Me by Judas Priest
Child In Time by Deep Puple
The Man Who Sold The World
White Lines (Oakland Fonk Mix) by Duran Diran
Dear Doctor by The Rolling Stones
New Sensation by INXS
White Christmas by Twisted Sister
Stand By My Women by Lenny Kravitz
Iron Head by Rob Zombie
Subterfuge by Judas Priest

A Short Blast of Randomness

Obama has finally made a cabinet pick I am enthusiastic about, Steven Chu as Secretary of Energy. Imagine a scientist, a Noble Prize winner no less, in a technical post. What a change from the last administration, a change for the better.

I am getting really very sick and tired of bigots and hatters hiding behind their religion as an excuse for their hatred. Here in the U.S. they usually claim to be Biblical literalists but somehow manage to wiggle out of any prohibition that they don’t like. Things like eating ham or shellfish or the whole rich men, camels and eye of the needle thing.

Defense and the National Interest is a great site if you want to understand what is wrong with the U.S. military. A particularly lovely quote from William Lind ;

‘That merely shows the right’s usual instinct for the capillaries. We would take half the defense budget, pile it in heaps, set it on fire and roast marshmallows over it and gain no less from it than we do now.’

That’s all for tonight, bye.

A Bit of Late Night Whimsy

I am a huge Richard O’Brien fan, The Rocky Horror Picture Show had a large influence on my coming out to myself. I also may be one of the few people in the world who actually liked Shock Treatment . I enjoy O’Brien’s twisted sense of humor and musical style.

Because I’m just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania



Time means nothing never will again

A Cultural Misfit I

There are a number of cultural touchstones that I just do not get. One of them is Marilyn Monroe, she was not that good looking being average at best. She was a competent actress but showed her severe limitations when she tried to move beyond light comedy. She was also notoriously difficult to work with; being late to the set and blowing her lines take after take. Marilyn trying to sing ‘Happy Birth Day’ for John Kennedy is simply painful to watch. Yet Monroe is still a mojor cultural icon, I just don’t get it.

Speaking of Kennedy, I don’t get the whole cult of Camelot, which has grown up, around him. Kennedy was a great speaker, a centrist on domestic policy and a dedicated cold warrior. He was the one who escalated our presence in Vietnam and ordered the coup against Diem that plunged the country into chaos. Kennedy was the one who set into motion the string of assassination plots against Castro. Eisenhower did more for civil rights when he sent in the 82nd Airborne to enforce desegregation in Little Rock. Kennedy counseled going slow and not rocking the boat, luckily Martin Luther King did not listen to him. Kennedy’s best career move, as it was for many rock stars, was dying when he did. It played into the whole ‘martyred sun king’ meme. Take it from me, I was there, Camelot it wasn’t

The Sky Is Clear But The Mind Is Fogged.

Still can’t think well so here we go on a free association trip into the dark, dank, dusty recesses of my mind. Hmm, let’s try for something a little lighter this time shell we? I’m gender queer with a strong feme component. I plan to start a course of hormone treatment to feminize my oh so male body. What am I aiming for, what would my ideal body be? Intersexed with fully functional male and female reproductive organs. I want to be able to pass as male or female depending on how I present myself or confuse the hell out of people if I want. I want be able to be both father and mother, siring and giving birth to children, I know I can’t get this now but someday it will be possible though probably not in my lifetime. Still a gender queer girl can dream can’t she?

Tired can’t think

So how about a little Rock and Roll.









Perhaps tomorrow I can write a coherent sentence

If It’s Saturday It Must Be Random

Where to start, how about how tired I am being part of the group being used as the scapegoat de jur? We queers seem to be responsible for everything from the high divorce rate to the collapsing economy. Of course these are the same people who accuse any one they don’t like of being Marxists, they wouldn’t know a real Marxist if ze came up to them and kicked them in the balls. Their Christian Anti-Communist Crusade of the 1950’ ruined a lot of people’s lives. Their current Christian Anti-Homosexual Crusade is not only ruining lives but also killing us. The reason we need a Transgender Day of Remembrance is that we are being killed at a rate of better than one a month and brutally killed at that. Then these murderous thugs have the gall to accuse us of waging a ‘campaign of hate and intimidation’ because we dare to fight back after being declared second class citizen’s. You will notice that these bigoted hatters are using their usual tactic of hiding behind religion and using it to justify their hate. I really am sick of this.

A Depressing and Random Friday Ten

Just One Look by Linda Ronstadt
Through The Bamboo Forest by Tan Dun & Yo-Yo Ma
The Best Way To Travel by The Moody Blues
Planet Boom by Mötley Crüe
You Never Cry Like A Lover b The Eagles
Keep Me Comin’ by Kiss
European Son by The Velvet Undreground
Bloodstone by Judas Priest
Crionics by Slayer
Of Mice And Men by Megadeth

It’s a gas gas gas

Another Random Journey to the Depths of My Mind

I really am starting totally from a random place. Hmm, let’s start with religion, haven’t been there in awhile. The Pope is against the death unless it’s for queers . It seems the Cardinals who elected Benedict Pope thought his sojourn in he Hitler Youth was good experience for the job. This is not untypical behavior in any hierarchical religion; the people at the top always need someone they can scapegoat and other. Actually that is true of most hierarchical power structures. Religion just makes it worse by claming to be acting on their god’s orders. Then there is the whole ‘we’ll take away the questions, we’ll make you sure’ thing. The claim of absolute authority and the demand that you don’t think just believe and obey is a very nasty combination. It’s why emperors and dictators have aligned them selves with religions or created religious like movements, they want that power. Of course the need for an other to scapegoat leads to pogroms, the inquisition, witch burnings, crusades and the gulags. So if all the ‘good’ Catholics and Mormons could kindly fuck off and die I would appreciate it.

I am a nasty little bitch at times but not nearly as nasty as the devoutly religious can be.

Fuck Apple

I now officially hate Apple as much Microsoft. The stupid air port base station has stooped recognizing that it has an Ethernet cable plugged in. After my Mac Book died I was pissed but now just fuck off and die Apple. Steve Jobs is a sociopath and it shows in the sadistically crippled products he makes.

True Tails of My Mother

My mother is 90 this year and still going strong. She is a petite little blond who can best be described as feisty. How feisty, well as a kid in Idaho during prohibition my mom had problems with the local bootlegger. He was a nasty sort who was always yelling at the local kids and threatening their dogs. Finally my mother had had enough; she knew where he hid his stash. It was under a bridge in a culvert so she emptied all his bottles and refilled them with creek water. Shortly after that the bootlegger left town quite suddenly.

Later my mother’s family moved to Santa Monica in California, she remained both feisty and level headed. She was not in the least star struck as evinced when she rejected Mickey Rooney’s attempts to date her. She even resorted tom sending her sister to the door with an appropriate lie to get rid of him. My mother always did have excellent taste in all things.

BD/SM and Me

I have mentioned before that I’m mostly a submissive sometimes switch pain slut. I delight in taking the input of intense pain and with a bit of a mind flip getting an ecstatic output. Lately tough I have been wondering how much of the submissive in me is a way to grant myself permission to enjoy some of the kinkier forms of sex I fantasize about. After ball if I’m bound and helpless while someone thrusts a cock down my throat or sits on my face or comes all over my face it’s not really my responsibility I’m helpless right? How much of my sub nature is the result of societal pressure, the notion that any sex but married missionary sex between a man and a woman is dirty and sinful. Still a frighteningly common attitude but as far as I new damn near universal when I was growing up and I know I internalized those attitudes. While yes I would love a certain friend to play with my tits in public until I’m reduced to a warm puddle of goo while he takes bets from the crowd on how long it will take me to stop twitching after he stops. I also still wonder how much of my love of submission is a way of escaping the social strictures I grew up with.