Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Roll Of The Queer Dice

Yes this is another of those random stream of consciousness screeds.

I live on many edges, the financial edge, the mental edge and the gender edge. The financial edge because I’ve taken two pay cuts since the beginning of the year to keep my job. My debt load was just manageable at my old salary, now it’s a scramble just to survive. All that pressure does not help my stress levels. The stress is pushing me to the edge of a major depressive episode. Having been over that edge I don’t want to go back. Pulling me along that edge is the gender edge as I try to live with a fluid sense of my own gender. I do my best to embrace uncertainty and ambiguity in regards to gender and sexual orientation. Maybe that’s why I like Aeon Flux so much after all she is the edge. Meanwhile I dance on the edge and sometimes long for the abyss.

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