A Random Journey To The Center Of My Mind

I’m too tired and too angry and too anxious for a coherent post so back into the inner dark. Clive Barker is one of my favorite writers/artists. Among his creations the Cenobites, Theologians of the Order of the Gash, are the most alluring to me. I so understand the pain/pleasure nexus they work from. To answer a unasked question I would solve the Lemarchand Configuration knowing exactly what would happen to me. I do want to explore the extremes of pain and pleasure and the ragged edge were they can merge and overlap. I am also fascinated by Barker’s concept of flesh as art through extreme reconfigurations of flesh. This crosses with my own desire for bodily modification to become the androgynous creature of my dreams. In may darker dreams I am an androgynous nightmare. Perhaps this is all the result of the fact that so much of society sees gender variant people as monsters. Perhaps it is that being an outsider I have always found the outsider/monster a sympathetic figure. Whatever the source the archetype of being a technological Phoenix arising from the fire of the destruction of my old life calls to me.