I do sometimes wonder, it seems so easy to go through life never questioning gender roles, sexual roles, religion or pretty much of anything else. Just accept that there are only men or women and that men are better at some things and women at others. That every one is straight unless led astray. A nice simple sunny little world, one that falls apart when you start asking questions. Nasty questions like is the gender I was assigned at birth because of my anatomy really correct? Is it wrong to find men, women and those that present as neither sexual attractive? Are there really only two genders? Seriously ask questions like these and the simple life goes down the drain. Is life worth the anguish trying to answer these questions can bring?
I think it is because for me the alternative was either a self induced lobotomy or a killing depression. So I ask the questions, try to find answers and endure the pain so hopefully I can live my life rather then some one else’s version of my life.
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Hello. I just stumbled upon this blog and I was struck by your post. I've been feeling like this a lot lately - I'm happy with who I am (a somewhat gender confused lesbian), but sometimes I think it'd be a lot easy to be one of the ignorant, happy girly straight folks. At law school functions, I always feel very strange as everyone walks around introducing their husbands and showing off their pretty dresses as I tug at my tie and mutter, "no, I'm not planning on practicing. I want to do human rights advocacy." Blank stares. Sometimes I feel like I don't get to be "human," and that I don't have any rights, or shouldn't. Where does this self-loathing come from? I have no idea. But anyway. Nice to see someone with a similar problem.
A question I think you could add to your list is, "What prompts me to ask these questions?" Maybe I'm mistaken, but I think there's something behind your questions, something that causes you to ask them in the first place. What I mean is, you're seeking greater self-awareness and self-understanding. You want the answers to these questions because it will help you understand what it is that makes you different and unique, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Quite right Christopher, I am seeking greater self awareness. Large parts of me were buried very deep for a very long time. It's time to dig them all up.
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