Friday, February 19, 2010

A Day Of Fail

Wednesday was not a good day for me at all, at least on a personal level. It was not too bad on a business level but personally a disaster. To start I ran long at a customer ste and had to cancel my therapy appointment, a very bad thing given the stress in my life at the moment. The big disappointment of the day was an appointment I kept however. I was seeing Dr. Maddie Deutsch at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. It had taken a long time to save up the money and work up the courage to go see her regarding starting HRT. I got there at 1:00 PM to finish paperwork and do a orientation with the actual doctors appointment at 2:15 PM. At 2:00 PM I was still sitting in the waiting room with no paperwork to fill out. There was work backing up so I left. I felt both sad and relieved. Sad at the wasted time and money, parking in Hollywood is expensive, as well as the failure of my dream of transition. Relieved at not having to have the ‘talk’ with Lyne about why HRT was so important to me. But the part of me that is desperate for HRT and the changes it will bring has not gone away or shut up. So I will take the advice if the great W.C. Fields, ‘If at fist you don’t succeed try, try again. Then give up before you make a damn fool of yourself.’ So I will try twice more than give up because the Universe is trying to tell me that transition is not for me.

1 comment:

darkoshi said...

Waiting rooms can be uncomfortable places, especially when you're sitting there a long time wondering if they forgot about you. Best thing to do is to go up and inquire of the receptionist how long it will still be... to make sure they didn't forget or overlook you. Being shy myself, and not wanting to be a bother, that can be a hard thing to do.

But considering, based on what you wrote, that you left before your scheduled appointment time with the doctor had even arrived, I wonder if perhaps you weren't feeling ready to go through with it?

Or perhaps they did inform you that it would still be a much longer wait, and you just didn't have the time to spare.