Thursday, January 3, 2008

An Introduction

Well I blog again. I think a new introduction and a bit of personal history are in order. I am a gender queer biological male and while my sense of gender identity is fluid it tends more to the female than the male. Which brings us to a bit of personal history. With the wonderful gift of hindsight I can see that I had a lot of what might be called feminine mannerisms in grade school, left to myself I preferred hopscotch to baseball. Then came middle school and intense peer pressure over the way I walked, held my books and the like. This was the early sixties and I did not even think top question gender roles so I buried the female side of myself after all I was a ‘boy’ and needed to act the part. I didn’t like playing most sports, I threw like a ‘girl’ surprise surprise, but being a true child of Los Angeles I loved cars. So I went through high school and on to collage where I found out that I wasn’t quite as straight as I had thought, I feel in lust with David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase. As I still had sexual interest in women I realized I was bisexual but still had no clue that I might be transgender in any way. So I graduated, started working and eventually got married all without realizing how much of myself I had blocked off and buried. You can not deny that large a part of yourself without consequences, in my case a deep depression that started in my mid 40s and got to the point where I really did not care rather I lived or died. Then I got lucky thanks to Mikhaela Reid and Erin Lindsey. From Mikhela’s excelent blog I was referred to Erin’s equally excelent web comic while there I started reading the online forum and there I read a post that induced a satori moment. That post lead me to realize my androgynous nature and my depression started to lift. My problems weren’t over; I had nearly wrecked my marriage while in the depths of depression and coming out as transgendered to Lyne created it’s own set of problems. Now I am in therapy exploring my self and putting my shattered life back together. It’s been a long and sometimes miserable trip but now I’m a (mostly) out gender queer trans-women who has something to say, stay tuned.

2 comments:

JanieBelle said...

Well I said I would be the first, and here I am.

Welcome back to the blogosphere!

I'm so glad you survived to tell your story, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

(My name links to my old blogger profile because of the sign in thing, but you know where to find me.)

Kisses

P.S. Let me know if/when you're ready to welcome visitors so I can link you from my blog.

R B Grange said...

Hello I'm R B.

I found your blog whilst looking though the atheism out campaign.

I'm an atheist pansexual androgyne (but that doesn't really matter) making my way through the world as best I can.

Your posts are insightful and highly enjoyable

R B Grange