Desire

Once again it’s late at night, I’m awake and need to write. So what shall we paly with tonight? How about desire, that kind of ties in with the Cenobites of The Order Of The Gash we were discussing last night. The Cenobites were all about desire. Desire is, you desire what you desire. You can control the gratification of your desires but if you desire the tight young stud across the hall or the taught surfer chick two doors down (or both) then you desire them. You might not act on your desires, I would be too shy to speak to either of the people in our example, but the desire will remain. Trying to deny the desire exists will just make you crazy. You can chose not to act on your desire because the action would hurt the object of your desire but that means acknowledging your desire and working through it. Above all desire IS.

Wandering Through My Mind

My but this blog has become personal hasn’t it? I really do mean to comment on the issues of the day but I keep putting off writing until late at night. So let’s go exploring through the decaying edifice of my mind shall we? I seek sensation as a masochist, thus I use a Cenobite from Hellraiser as my icon. Knowing exactly what awaits me I would still happily solve the Lament Configuration. Yes I do want to experience the extremes of sensation to overwhelm and transform me. The flesh as artistic canvas fascinates me. This does not mean I seek annihilation, I seek transformation. I want to be a technological Phoenix. In some ways I already am, I’m using Estrogen and Spiro to alter my body and my mind. A bio-technological Phoenix, that’s me, rising from the ashes of my old life.

Just Another Random Thought

It occurs to me that I didn’t mention that I’m an atheist in my re-introduction. I’m an atheist because I noticed that what little evidence there is for gods and goddesses, more hearsay really, is equally valid for the lot of them. The problem is the claims made for the nearly 1,000 gods and goddesses are contradictory. Quite simply they can’t all be true, but they can quiet easily all be false. Factor in that we have well tested scientific explanations for much of existence and there is no need for any supernatural beings running around causing trouble.

A Quick One Before I Sleep

Bored now. The Punch and Judy show that is politics in this country is idiotic and completely ritualized. Everyone knows their role and plays their part. The best actors get the lead roles which is why Reagan was so successful. He may have been a ‘B’ actor but he was far better than the ‘C’ and ‘D’ actors he was up against. Real politics is being played out in the board rooms and in the streets. He puppet show in side the beltway will become increasingly irrelevant.

Some Random Late Night Thoughts

I’ve lived a fairly privileged life. That that life has not been overly successful is mostly my own fault aided by my ADHD. So I really have no reason to be depressed, but it doesn’t work that way. No matter how successful or fulfilling your life is depression can gut you and leave you a wreck. It’s what my Friend Alexander calls an invisible illness.

These are illnesses that do not have any obvious external symptoms. Things like depression, anxiety and ADHD. These illnesses are difficult to diagnose and difficult to treat. There is also a tendency by those not suffering from them to dismiss them as somehow not ‘real illnesses’. They urge people to ‘man up’ or ‘get over it’, this is spectacularly not helpful. These are real and debilitating illnesses as I have learned the hard way.

This brings me to another thought, just how much I hate the ‘your too sensitive, why so angry?’ line. This is usually uttered by some privileged twit when called on some hateful remark or joke he just made. The privileged one is trying to de-legitimize the anger felt by the person calling him on his oh so casual, meant no offence remake. This is not just a problem of the right, I see plenty of casual trans-misogyny from progressives as well. So the next time someone calls you on some remark or joke stop and actually listen to what they have to say, you may learn something.

A Reintroduction

Thanks to my depression I do tend to abandon my blog for long periods of time.

I’m back for the moment and thought I should reintroduce myself. I’m a proud, semi out, gender queer trans woman. I’m on a regime of Spironolactone to reduce my testosterone levels and Estrogen patches to help feminize me. I’ll never have passing privilege as at 60 I’m really too old for any major changes to my body. But I do love the mental and emotional changes that Estrogen has brought.

So I’ll be blogging about whatever cross3s my mind which will include more about me.

Cheery Bye for now.

Random Again, 13 Again

Some music as picked by iTunes DJ;

All She Wants Is by Duran Duran
Whip It by Devo
Chains by Iggy Pop
Young Girl Blues by Donovan
No Sense of Crime by Iggy Pop & James Williamson
Sweating Bullets by Megadeth
The Krush Brothers by Duran Duran
Lola by The Kinks
Cries In The Night by W.A.S.P.
Voices In The Sky by The Moody Blues
Eye On You by Billy Squier
Morning Will Come by Spirit
Willie And The Hand Jive by George Thorogood & Destroyers

A short look inside my mind

Out From Behind The Mask

I just celebrated a year on Estrogen. In addition I’ve been on Spiro for about three months and have had my testosterone knocked way down. So I’ve decided to step out from behind the mask of maleness. I started off my anniversary by having my best friend Alexander shave my beard. This was recorded and a You Tube video will be forthcoming. For now here is a bad photo of the woman behind the mask

Things I Already Knew

Still nice to have objective conformation.

The U.S. Will Tolerate No Dissent

Prerna Lal is a immigration activist who the U.S. Government is trying to deport for the crime of being an effective advocate. Below I am reporting her blog entry on this travesty of justice.

My name is Prerna Lal. You may know me as one of the founders of DreamActivist or from the Immigrant Rights blog at Change.org where I have worked for the past two years to stop the deportations of several members of our community. I serve a board member for Immigration Equality and I was the recipient of a Changemaker Award at the South Asian Americans Leading Together (SAALT) summit this year. I am writing to you because I am currently sitting for my first-year law school exams at The George Washington University, and already, I'm facing the trial of my life. The United States government has decided to prosecute and deport me away from my family, friends and community. They sent me a notice to appear for removal proceedings last week.

I just paid $800 to the State of California in business taxes. And I'm expected to appear in an Immigration Court in San Francisco for this trial. That is some heavy taxation without representation. To make matters more complicated, my entire family is American and they have done nothing to deserve this treatment.

My grandparents were U.S. citizens. My legal resident parents brought me here when I was a minor. I grew up in this country. This is my home.

It make no sense for the government to spend thousands of dollars and several years in litigation to remove me from my home. In response to this atrocity, my friends have created a petition to top immigration officials to stop this ridiculous prosecution.


Our goal is to reach 5,000 signatures and we need more support. You can read more and sign the petition here:

http://www.change.org/petitions/keep-prerna-home-stop-the-deportation-of-dreamactivistorg-founder-prerna-lal

Your support is invaluable to me. Please sign, facebook, tweet and reblog the petition so that I can keep my family together and continue making worthwhile contributions to this country