Some random thoughts from my decaying brain.
I've been remarkably lucky for a moderately talented old trans broad. Thanks to my parents foresight in building their house in a working class neighborhood that became a trendy neighborhood I was able to sell the family home for a bundle. Enough to leave me comfortable in my old age.
I've been lucky in my transition to. My therapist was willing to write me any letter I needed as soon as our first session was over. While I had to delay HRT due to financial problems I again lucked out when the Jeffery Goodman clinic at the L.A. Gay Center added a trans health program. The clinic operated on a informed consent model with payment based on ability to pay. Thanks to them I've been on HRT for nearly two and a half years.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
My New Shero, Lana Wachowski
Lana Wachowski recently got a well deserved Visibility Award from the HRC. This is the brilliant speech she gave.
After that I'm even willing to forgive her for "Speed Racer".
After that I'm even willing to forgive her for "Speed Racer".
Friday, October 12, 2012
Columbus Day or Exploration Day, Same Thing
So another Columbus Day has come and gone and still we celebrate a brutal conqueror why cut people's hand's off when they failed to deliver enough gold. A man who started a 530 year course of genocide that is still going on in the America's.
Given this problamatic history there is a move afoot to change the title of the holiday to National Explores Day. Initially I thought this was a good idea and singed the petition. On reflection though I think this is every bit as problematic as Columbus Day.
The history of European exploration has been one of exploration as a prelude to conquest or at the least attempted conquest. From the Viking explorers like Eric the Red and Leif the Lucky to 18th century explores like James Cook and David Livinstone the explorer either was the conqueror was closely followed the conqueror. That the conquest sometimes involved several waves until successful like the 300 plus years European attempts to subjugate Africa or even failed as they did in Japan is immaterial, they always came.
All in all I think it might be better to rename Columbus Day to Indigenous Resistance Day or maybe just Resistance Day. I'm sick of the attempts to celebrate conquest and genocide.
Given this problamatic history there is a move afoot to change the title of the holiday to National Explores Day. Initially I thought this was a good idea and singed the petition. On reflection though I think this is every bit as problematic as Columbus Day.
The history of European exploration has been one of exploration as a prelude to conquest or at the least attempted conquest. From the Viking explorers like Eric the Red and Leif the Lucky to 18th century explores like James Cook and David Livinstone the explorer either was the conqueror was closely followed the conqueror. That the conquest sometimes involved several waves until successful like the 300 plus years European attempts to subjugate Africa or even failed as they did in Japan is immaterial, they always came.
All in all I think it might be better to rename Columbus Day to Indigenous Resistance Day or maybe just Resistance Day. I'm sick of the attempts to celebrate conquest and genocide.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
A Reoccurring Dream
A dream that I used to have quite frequently before I came out to myself popped up again tonight. The basics are always the same, I have given myself over to slavery and after much sexual submission and punishment I'm killed. That is not the end however, I am then resurrected by since as a intersex being capable of both bearing and siring children. I of course wind up pregnant and give birth. After that the dream may go off in many directions but the first part is always broadly the same.
As I said before I came to the self-realization hat I am genderquuer and transgendered on the feminine part of the gender cloud I used to have this dream all the time. I have not had it since then. So why now when I'm in full transition? Maybe it was triggered bu Natalie Reed's discussion of Novaries, a term I only recently became acquainted with. My S.O. and I decided on no children before we got married and I really don't like kids all that much. It's probably significant that the dream almost never has children in it, just a intersex me being pregnant. Also it's always me as a intersex person. If I could magically get the body I want it would be intersex. Maybe that is the point of the dream if it has one.
As I said before I came to the self-realization hat I am genderquuer and transgendered on the feminine part of the gender cloud I used to have this dream all the time. I have not had it since then. So why now when I'm in full transition? Maybe it was triggered bu Natalie Reed's discussion of Novaries, a term I only recently became acquainted with. My S.O. and I decided on no children before we got married and I really don't like kids all that much. It's probably significant that the dream almost never has children in it, just a intersex me being pregnant. Also it's always me as a intersex person. If I could magically get the body I want it would be intersex. Maybe that is the point of the dream if it has one.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Some Random Thoughts Before I Sleep
Today was a reasonably big day for me, I bought my first ever bras for myself. I bought them at The Wizard Of Bras and wizards they are. They went out of their way to make me comfortable and find me three bras that fit me. They are also extremely trans* friendly. If you need a bra and are in Southern California this is the place to go.
The bra shopping expedition was just another step on my gender journey, a journey that is accelerating. I present as more femme every day even though I'm stuck, for the moment, with male pattern baldness. So though I'll never pass I'm still going to express my stone femme self. Yes I often feel nervous about peoples reaction to me but I can't lead my life in fear of other peoples reactions, not and stay sane. So I dress to please myself and negotiate with the world on my presentation. Selfish? Maybe but other people expecting me to conform to their norms is even more selfish I think.
Mostly this is a journey into the unknown for this old broad. Two years as an Extrogen based life form and counting.
The bra shopping expedition was just another step on my gender journey, a journey that is accelerating. I present as more femme every day even though I'm stuck, for the moment, with male pattern baldness. So though I'll never pass I'm still going to express my stone femme self. Yes I often feel nervous about peoples reaction to me but I can't lead my life in fear of other peoples reactions, not and stay sane. So I dress to please myself and negotiate with the world on my presentation. Selfish? Maybe but other people expecting me to conform to their norms is even more selfish I think.
Mostly this is a journey into the unknown for this old broad. Two years as an Extrogen based life form and counting.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Some random Thoughts In The Early Evening
Sitting here in a lovely Korean Coffee house sipping a peach Italian soda while my friend composes what is sure to be a brilliant presentation my thoughts wander.
There are fireworks going off all round the neighborhood reminding me that it is the 4th of July. A surprisingly good look at the events surrounding the writing of the Deceleration of Independence is provided by 1776, a musical comedy. One of the things it points out in song is that the northern shipping fortunes were as dependent on the slave trade as the south was. It is usually forgotten that slavery wasn't finally abolished in the north until 1865 though most northern slaves were freed between 1777 and 1804. The point here is we would do well to remember that this nation was founded on conquest, genocide and slavery. We would do well to be a little humbled before we proclaim ourselves a light unto the world.
There are fireworks going off all round the neighborhood reminding me that it is the 4th of July. A surprisingly good look at the events surrounding the writing of the Deceleration of Independence is provided by 1776, a musical comedy. One of the things it points out in song is that the northern shipping fortunes were as dependent on the slave trade as the south was. It is usually forgotten that slavery wasn't finally abolished in the north until 1865 though most northern slaves were freed between 1777 and 1804. The point here is we would do well to remember that this nation was founded on conquest, genocide and slavery. We would do well to be a little humbled before we proclaim ourselves a light unto the world.
A Few Reasons To Vote For Obama
I know there are many reasons to not vote for Obama in November, more deportations the Bush, continuing and intensifying human rights abuses like drone strikes and more help for the banksters then their victims. Still I think there are a few compelling reasons to vote for Obama.
The big one is the Supreme Court, there could be up to four vacancies over the next four years. As the recent Citizens United and ACA decisions show even one vote can be vital. Obama will appoint nice safe moderates, Romney will appoint hard right religious bigots to pay off his base. The damage they will do will extend over decades. Add all the Federal Court appointments over the next four years and I think you get a compelling case for Obama.
Then there is the economy, yes the economy. I know Obama has been less then stellar on economic issues, a too small stimulus and the buying into the Republicans self serving deficit hawk narrative. Still while the stimulus was too small to jump start the economy again it did stop the slide into the abyss. Also Obama has realized his mistake in accepting the austerity party line and has moved back to stimulus measures. As a result despite all the Republican efforts to sabotage everything the economy is growing, very slowly but growing.
A Romney administration will be Bush II on steroids. He will privatize everything which will mean massive layoffs and reduced wages for the new private employes. This of course will be combined with more huge tax cuts going mostly to the 0.1% which should help set new deficit records. Oh and regulations, what few the Democrats actually passed, they will be scraped and we'll be off on a new financial bubble and bust cycle. The next recession/depression, and there will be another one, will be worse then the last and probably come fairly soon. So while things aren't good now they could be much worse.
Then there is the not so minor, to me, matter of QTBLG rights. There has been at least some progress under Obama. Under Romney that will stop and there will be a concentrated effort to role back all progress made in the last 50 years.
You may have noticed there has already been a concentrated effort to role back woman's and reproductive rights. Now the Federal government provides some counterbalance to these state level assaults. With Romney in charge the Federal government it will lend it's weight to the rollback effort rather the opposing it.
My favorite reason to re-elect Obama is the absolute apoplectic rage it will provoke in the conservatives. Yes I am a sadistic little bitch.
The big one is the Supreme Court, there could be up to four vacancies over the next four years. As the recent Citizens United and ACA decisions show even one vote can be vital. Obama will appoint nice safe moderates, Romney will appoint hard right religious bigots to pay off his base. The damage they will do will extend over decades. Add all the Federal Court appointments over the next four years and I think you get a compelling case for Obama.
Then there is the economy, yes the economy. I know Obama has been less then stellar on economic issues, a too small stimulus and the buying into the Republicans self serving deficit hawk narrative. Still while the stimulus was too small to jump start the economy again it did stop the slide into the abyss. Also Obama has realized his mistake in accepting the austerity party line and has moved back to stimulus measures. As a result despite all the Republican efforts to sabotage everything the economy is growing, very slowly but growing.
A Romney administration will be Bush II on steroids. He will privatize everything which will mean massive layoffs and reduced wages for the new private employes. This of course will be combined with more huge tax cuts going mostly to the 0.1% which should help set new deficit records. Oh and regulations, what few the Democrats actually passed, they will be scraped and we'll be off on a new financial bubble and bust cycle. The next recession/depression, and there will be another one, will be worse then the last and probably come fairly soon. So while things aren't good now they could be much worse.
Then there is the not so minor, to me, matter of QTBLG rights. There has been at least some progress under Obama. Under Romney that will stop and there will be a concentrated effort to role back all progress made in the last 50 years.
You may have noticed there has already been a concentrated effort to role back woman's and reproductive rights. Now the Federal government provides some counterbalance to these state level assaults. With Romney in charge the Federal government it will lend it's weight to the rollback effort rather the opposing it.
My favorite reason to re-elect Obama is the absolute apoplectic rage it will provoke in the conservatives. Yes I am a sadistic little bitch.
Day 30 Of The Gender Queer Challenge
The question for the thirtieth and last day of the gender queer challenge is. What does Genderqueer mean to you?
Oh that is a good one, especially for the last question. Gender queer means being free to explore all the wonderful possibilities of gender to find the mix that fits me best. It means my gender can change as I do with age. It means being open and accepting of others genders what ever they may be. Most of all ity means I'm truly me for the first time in my life and I've never been more comfortable with myself.
Oh that is a good one, especially for the last question. Gender queer means being free to explore all the wonderful possibilities of gender to find the mix that fits me best. It means my gender can change as I do with age. It means being open and accepting of others genders what ever they may be. Most of all ity means I'm truly me for the first time in my life and I've never been more comfortable with myself.
Day 29 Of The Gender Queer Challenge
The question for today is: Some positive Genderqueer experiences.
OK, this is a hard one. Not that I haven't had many positive experiences since I realized I'm gender queer it's just that they are bound up with so many other things. Was it just because I'm gender queer that I've met some wonderful people who are now good friends? The therapy that has helped me so much did I start that just because I was gender queer? being gender queer informs and weaves through my entire life now, it touches everything I do and am.
OK, this is a hard one. Not that I haven't had many positive experiences since I realized I'm gender queer it's just that they are bound up with so many other things. Was it just because I'm gender queer that I've met some wonderful people who are now good friends? The therapy that has helped me so much did I start that just because I was gender queer? being gender queer informs and weaves through my entire life now, it touches everything I do and am.
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