A Gender Queer View

SOPA Thoughts

2012-01-19T00:54:00.000-08:00

The Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and it's handmaiden The Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) have been widely discussed and denounced. Others have discused the details better then I could. The main point is it makes it easy for a company to get a court order to disrupt or shutdown an offending site. The accused would have only five days to appeal before sanctions are invoked.Theoretically these provisions would only be used against sites hosting copyrighted material without authorization. The problem here is that the definition of intellectual property is a bit vague.

Remeber Lotus makers of the 1-2-3 spreadsheet? They were notorious for suing rivals for infringing on the 'look and feel' of their software. More recently Apple and Amazon have brought a number of similar lawsuits. Now instead of going to the trouble of filling a lawsuit and the attendant messy trial just get a nice court order and in five days your rival is out of business. The burden of proof is shifted to your target, they have to prove their not guilty. It's a nice way to strangle a rival in their radle so to say.

It's a nice way for the big guys to stay big. Now what was that nonsense about a free market?

The 'T' Word

2012-01-17T01:18:00.000-08:00

Yes I mean tranny. It should be clear by now to everyone that the word is a slur. Worse as pointed out by voz Latina it is a slur thrown just before violent attacks on trans women. It is used as an insult as in 'Hot tranny mess' by pipsqueak no talent cis gays. Yes I use it in referring to myself , telling myself to get my tranny ass moving in the morning. This does not mean you may use it around me ever or you will have one very angry trans woman on your ass. I don't care if RuPaul says it's ok to use tranny, he isn't a trans woman so he has NO standing on the issue. Which brings up the point that the community that seems most reluctant to give up the word is not the bible thumpers but the cis gays. Tranny is an insult and a call to violence against us so just stop using it. And no I'm not going to 'lighten up' or 'get over it' so just fuck off and die.

Depression

2012-01-16T13:30:00.000-08:00

I suffer from clinical depression, mostly in remission now. I will never be rid of depression, it will always lurk in the background. Depression can still lay me low without enough energy to get out of bed or even eat. It can still trigger self destructive behavior like smoking and drinking to excess. What has changed is now my depressive episodes last hours or a day at most. They used to last for weeks.

It's taken a lot of therapy (thank you Dr. Cooper) and work to get to this point but I have managed to avoid anti-depressants. For those who are on anti-depressants and whom they help, good for you and I wish you the best.

Depression is a very real, debilitating and sometimes fatal illness. No one in the grip of a depressive episode wants to hear 'get over it', 'pull tour self together', 'turn that frown upside down' or any of the many variants of these. Believe me if we could just pull our selves up by our bootstraps we would. We can also mange our illness so we don't need to be treated as useless and fired or not hired because of it.

In the meantime I live with my depression knowing anything or nothing at all can trigger a depressive episode. As Christine Smith says, for us pessimism is easy, it's optimism that's hard.

Rock and Roll is my Religion And My Law

2012-01-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

Well not really as I have no religion but pretty close. Rock'n' Roll is what first gave me a sense of the widder possibilities in life. That white middle class button down values weren't all there is. While it took 45 years to finally break out of the last pieces of repression and realize that I was gender queer it all started with Rock 'n' Roll.

So all those bible thumpers were right Rock 'n' Roll is a threat to their way of life, ain't it great?

Oh, and I would have so done Bon Scott had I ever had the chance.

Random Late Night Stuff

2012-01-15T23:20:00.000-08:00

Nope not sure I can call these thoughts as I'm not sure I'm actually thinking any more.

So I've been on Estrogen patches for about 18 months, I really like this. The physical effects haven't been all that great though I do have boobs now, very sensitive boobs. What I love are the effects the estrogen and the reduction in testosterone have had on my mind. I am in touch with and can actually experience my emotions, I was very closed off before. So even though I'll never pass as the woman I am I'll never go back ever.

No I'm Not A Liberal

2012-01-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

For all the must-vote-Democrat crowd you would do well to remember the good liberal Democrats escalated the war in Vietnam, voted for both Iraq and Afghanistan, urged Dr King to go slown and not rock the boat and have never even tried to repeal Taft-Hartley. For all of you this song from Phil Oachs;

Yes I Am An Anrachist and A Atheist

2012-01-10T22:48:00.000-08:00

A few quotes for the redoubtable Emma Goldman,

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal

The philosophy of Atheism represents a concept of life without any metaphysical Beyond or Divine Regulator. It is the concept of an actual, real world with its liberating, expanding and beautifying possibilities, as against an unreal world, which, with its spirits, oracles, and mean contentment has kept humanity in helpless degradation.

If I can't dance to it, it's not my revolution

May you all walk in beauty and harmony.

Politics, Big Whoop

2012-01-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

Ah yes there is a presidential election going on. The Republicans having activly running since the middle of last year and now Romney has surged to victory in New Hampshire with a stunning 33% pf the vote. Put another way two thirds of the Republican voters in New Hampshire can't stand Romney's guts. Not so impresive a victory when looked at that way is it?

Not that any of this really matters much as the Republicans vary from very bad to the hideously awful and none of them should ever be allowed near the Oval Office. But more profoundly the whole election doesn't matter at all, the streets are where the future will be decided.

The Occupy movement for all it's flaws, it has many, has already had a major effect. The Democrats and the Republicans have been forced to at least pretend interest in jobs and economic inequality. Despite police raids and massed arrests the Occupy movement has not gone away and is instead forging new alliances with labor and other groups. The movement is also working to address it's problems such as lack of diversity, sexism and trans misogyny.The Occupy movement is already widespread and is moving to increase it's depth.

Our current system is corrupt and broken, hopelessly so. I agree with Ted Rall in his The Anti-American Manifesto that we need a revolution and now. I'm hopefull that the Occupy movement is the beginning of that revolution because no matter who wins in November the 1% will still be calling the shots.

Late Night Depression (?)

2012-01-07T00:32:00.000-08:00

I am depressed, clinically that is, but not nearly as depressed as I should be. My car has died and repairing it will cost almost all my money for the month leaving not enough to do things like keep the utilities on or get food. There may be ways around this and I'm working on it and that is what is different.

In the past I would have been too depressed to function but now I can. Oh I still have all the symptoms, tough to get out of bead, hard to concentrate and all the rest. But I can work around them now thanks to a lot of work with my therapist Dr. Cooper. This makes me feel very good.

So to all you suffering from depression I say it does get better. Yes it takes time and is a lot of work but with help you can overcome this.

Myths Debunked And Facts Given

2012-01-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

The estimable Skepchic Natalie busts thirteen myths about trans women. She not only busts the myths but gives cold hard facts you can use to fight back against the bigots.

Extra special bonus, Natalie has started a new site, Queereka!

I Don't Identify As, I Am

2012-01-02T01:13:00.000-08:00

The brilliant CN Letser has written a easy about why we need to retire the phrase 'self-identify' permanently. You really should go read it, I can wait so off you go. Back? Good so you can see why I'm dropping the whole 'self-identify' thing entirely.

I AM a gender queer trans woman who sails the gender probability cloud.

Remember The Space Age?

2012-01-01T03:21:00.000-08:00

Hey anybody hear old enough to remember the Space Age? What you say we are still in the Space Age, no not really. This coming December 19, 2012 will mark forty years since a human stood on another world. No nation can duplicate that feat now. Yes we can still get to low earth orbit, or at least China and Russia can. But we've been fooling around in low Earth orbit for a bit over 50 years now. The Apollo program was intended to lead to a space station and maned lunar base but all that was canceled.

All the really important space science and discovery missions have been unnamed. Our robots have done wonders and could do much more if we re-routed the money from our maned space efforts. Think what we could have done with the money wasted on the now canceled Constellation program?
Not that the U.S. space program is the only exercise in futility, the russins have spent the last decade trying to come up with a successor to the Soyuz with out geting anything past the initial planing stage. As of now the only space program showing any real progress is the Chinese space program.

The whole concept of the Space Age was that orbital flights, space stations and lunar missions were just the first steps to Mars and beyond to a permanent human presence in space. We aren't even close to those goals. The ISS may be de-orbited as early as 2015 and won't last past 2020 in any case. If we're lucky China will be just starting to build their own space station then if their economy doesn't implode the way the west's has.

The Space Age was all bright and shiny when it started 50 years ago but that faded out in a little over a decade. If we're lucky in another decade or so we may have a new Space Age and this time the promise will be fulfilled. But for now all we have are fading memories and some Hollywood glitz, kind of sad really.

Restarting A Series

2011-12-26T22:27:00.000-08:00

Ah yes the end of year, a time for reflection and ten best lists. Well screw all that let's go back to the stories of trans* pioneers shall we?

Roberta Cowell, WW II Spitfire Pilot, race car driver and the first known British male-to-female transsexual to undergo sex reassignment surgery. This was all the way back on 15 May, 1951 just short of her 30th birthday. This occurred two years before Christine Jorgensen's surgery in Denmark. Roberta, now 90 is still with us and I hope happy and well. She wrote her autobiagraphy,Roberta Cowell's Story, now sadly out of print but still available used.

The incredible courage Roberta Cowell displayed transitioning publicly when she did is to be admired and saluted.

Full Diclosure

2011-12-23T00:45:00.000-08:00

I'm Natasha Yar-Routh, it says so right on the masthead. But as some of you know that is not my legal name, that is Barry Scott Routh. You see being gender queer for me means having two lives.

I'm one life, the one I'm coming to prefer, I'm Natasha the person you know from this blog and on twitter. In the other I'm Barry. A married, well not man but person, with a job and all that.

Increasingly my worlds are blending into each other so starting here I'm going to be as open as I can about this. For various reasons my legal name will most probably never change even though I identify as Natasha. Of course I don't look like a Natasha do I?

Not really that fem am I? Yet I feel very fem most time.

Ah well enough self confession tonight, sleep well all of you.

Why I Hate Birthdays (mine)

2011-11-24T04:29:00.000-08:00

The day before my 13th Birthday John Kennedy was shot, the day after Oswald was shot. On my 29th Birthday I saw "Quadrophenia" was deeply depressed for a week. This was while I was dating Lyne, through our relation back a few steps. Close to my 50th birthday I learned my father had lung cancer. he died about two months latter. Around my 59th birthday my mother had the fall that put her in intensive care, she died May of last year.

Not an inspiring record is it? I think you can see why I've come to really hate my birthday and the month of November in general.

Goodbye To Therapy

2011-10-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

Well despite the fact I'm still have depression, though in remission, and am dealing with gender issues I'm going to have to give up therapy. Simply no more money for it. Dr. Cooper had to drop Antheum/Blue Cross because they were screwing her over. Besides if they had their way I would just be a well drugged cypher.

So for the next three or four months at least no therapy for Natasha. I wonder if I can survive or will fall back into deep depression?

On Being Gender Queer, Part Of A Series

2011-10-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

Being gender queer means living with na certain level of uncertainty, at least it does for me. I never know where in the gender cloud I'll be when I wake up. Will the the person looking back at me in the mirror be definitely male, a very effeminate male, a old butch woman or a proud middle age matron? Any of these and a thousand others are possibilities for me.

Some Night Music

2011-10-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Some nightmarish night music but these are nightmarish times.

Yes there are ever more uprisings against the status quo, but are they too little too late? The austerity brigade still rule the roost in the U.S. and Europe and now there are cracks showing in China's economy.We are still pumping carbon into our atmosphere at accelerating rates and permanently altering our weather.

Not that I'm a prophet of doom, the world isn't ending any time soon but things are going to get a lot more interesting not to mention surreal.

Oh and Halloween is coming

Nothing To Say

2011-10-11T23:49:00.000-07:00

Really nothing at all to say tonight, so here is 21st Century Schizoid Man by a string quintet.

Night Thoughts

2011-10-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

So tired but must write. Random and incoherent thoughts flit trough my head.

The completely secular wording of the U.S. Constitution putting a lie to the 'this is a christian nation' nonsense spouted by the right.

How much I love what Estrogen has done and is doing to me.

How much I love my chosen queer family.

How frustrating my ADHA has become.

Pleasant Night Thoughts

2011-10-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve had enough with being angry and raising my blood pressure so something pleasant for tonight. The Occupy Wall Street movement is spreading, even unto Bakersfield and if the Occupy movement has reached hartland palces like Bakersfield it's spreading it's roots deeply indeed. The movement has been successful enough to seriously wory a Republican congressman. I find all this very hopeful, yes I know the Occupy Wall Street movement has it's flaws but it's evolving in the right direction. Real change always comes from below not from the top, this is real change we can believe in.

This Makes Me Angry

2011-10-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

Take a look at this ultra-misogynist t-shirt. This is the sort of crap that pisses me off. It is such a perfect example of rape culture, de-humanization of sex workers and general misogyny. It actualy pissed me off enough to write the following letter to them,

Real congratulations on having one of the most offensive t-shirt designs ever. Your 'If you have sex with a prostitute without her consent is it rape or shoplifting' shirt manages to trivialize rape and sexual violence and dehumanize sex workers all in one offensive package. Way to go fuckwads.

I know I should be polite to get my point across but that is hard to do when I'm this angry. That shirt showes you as the hateful misogynist cowards that you are. I don't think you'll have the good graces to actually stop selling that piece of crap shirt and even fake apologize but one can always hope.

I would like to encourage what few readers I have to send their own letter of comment to these jerkwads at info@1stoptshirtshop.co.uk.

A Very Late Friday Random Thirteen

2011-10-08T02:37:00.001-07:00

A trip through my mind via the random songs thrown up by iTunes in shuffle mode.

The Sea King by Hawkwind
Departure by The Moody Blues
Catch My Fall by Billy Idol
Coming Back To Me by Jefferson Airplane
A View To A Kill by Duran Duran
The Hell Of It by Paul Williams
Back In Business by AC/DC
TVC 15 by David Bowie
I’m Coming Home by The Deviants
Angel by Iggy Pop
N.S.U. by Cream
The Apparition by Iron Maiden
Drowning Man by Duran Duran

Desire

2011-10-06T22:37:00.001-07:00

Once again it’s late at night, I’m awake and need to write. So what shall we paly with tonight?How about desire, that kind of ties in with the Cenobites of The Order Of The Gash we were discussing last night. The Cenobites were all about desire. Desire is, you desire what you desire. You can control the gratification of your desires but if you desire the tight young stud across the hall or the taught surfer chick two doors down (or both) then you desire them. You might not act on your desires, I would be too shy to speak to either of the people in our example, but the desire will remain. Trying to deny the desire exists will just make you crazy. You can chose not to act on your desire because the action would hurt the object of your desire but that means acknowledging your desire and working through it. Above all desire IS.

Wandering Through My Mind

2011-10-06T00:08:00.001-07:00

My but this blog has become personal hasn’t it? I really do mean to comment on the issues of the day but I keep putting off writing until late at night. So let’s go exploring through the decaying edifice of my mind shall we?I seek sensation as a masochist, thus I use a Cenobite from Hellraiser as my icon. Knowing exactly what awaits me I would still happily solve the Lament Configuration. Yes I do want to experience the extremes of sensation to overwhelm and transform me. The flesh as artistic canvas fascinates me.This does not mean I seek annihilation, I seek transformation. I want to be a technological Phoenix. In some ways I already am, I’m using Estrogen and Spiro to alter my body and my mind. A bio-technological Phoenix, that’s me, rising from the ashes of my old life.

Just Another Random Thought

2011-10-04T23:43:00.001-07:00

It occurs to me that I didn’t mention that I’m an atheist in my re-introduction. I’m an atheist because I noticed that what little evidence there is for gods and goddesses, more hearsay really, is equally valid for the lot of them. The problem is the claims made for the nearly 1,000 gods and goddesses are contradictory. Quite simply they can’t all be true, but they can quiet easily all be false. Factor in that we have well tested scientific explanations for much of existence and there is no need for any supernatural beings running around causing trouble.

A Quick One Before I Sleep

2011-10-04T00:34:00.001-07:00

Bored now. The Punch and Judy show that is politics in this country is idiotic and completely ritualized. Everyone knows their role and plays their part. The best actors get the lead roles which is why Reagan was so successful. He may have been a ‘B’ actor but he was far better than the ‘C’ and ‘D’ actors he was up against. Real politics is being played out in the board rooms and in the streets. He puppet show in side the beltway will become increasingly irrelevant.

Some Random Late Night Thoughts

2011-10-03T00:32:00.000-07:00

I’ve lived a fairly privileged life. That that life has not been overly successful is mostly my own fault aided by my ADHD. So I really have no reason to be depressed, but it doesn’t work that way. No matter how successful or fulfilling your life is depression can gut you and leave you a wreck. It’s what my Friend Alexander calls an invisible illness.

These are illnesses that do not have any obvious external symptoms. Things like depression, anxiety and ADHD. These illnesses are difficult to diagnose and difficult to treat. There is also a tendency by those not suffering from them to dismiss them as somehow not ‘real illnesses’. They urge people to ‘man up’ or ‘get over it’, this is spectacularly not helpful. These are real and debilitating illnesses as I have learned the hard way.

This brings me to another thought, just how much I hate the ‘your too sensitive, why so angry?’ line. This is usually uttered by some privileged twit when called on some hateful remark or joke he just made. The privileged one is trying to de-legitimize the anger felt by the person calling him on his oh so casual, meant no offence remake. This is not just a problem of the right, I see plenty of casual trans-misogyny from progressives as well. So the next time someone calls you on some remark or joke stop and actually listen to what they have to say, you may learn something.

A Reintroduction

2011-10-02T02:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my depression I do tend to abandon my blog for long periods of time.

I’m back for the moment and thought I should reintroduce myself. I’m a proud, semi out, gender queer trans woman. I’m on a regime of Spironolactone to reduce my testosterone levels and Estrogen patches to help feminize me. I’ll never have passing privilege as at 60 I’m really too old for any major changes to my body. But I do love the mental and emotional changes that Estrogen has brought.

So I’ll be blogging about whatever cross3s my mind which will include more about me.

Cheery Bye for now.

Random Again, 13 Again

2011-07-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Some music as picked by iTunes DJ;

All She Wants Is by Duran Duran
Whip It by Devo
Chains by Iggy Pop
Young Girl Blues by Donovan
No Sense of Crime by Iggy Pop & James Williamson
Sweating Bullets by Megadeth
The Krush Brothers by Duran Duran
Lola by The Kinks
Cries In The Night by W.A.S.P.
Voices In The Sky by The Moody Blues
Eye On You by Billy Squier
Morning Will Come by Spirit
Willie And The Hand Jive by George Thorogood & Destroyers

A short look inside my mind

Out From Behind The Mask

2011-07-07T00:13:00.000-07:00

I just celebrated a year on Estrogen. In addition I’ve been on Spiro for about three months and have had my testosterone knocked way down. So I’ve decided to step out from behind the mask of maleness. I started off my anniversary by having my best friend Alexander shave my beard. This was recorded and a You Tube video will be forthcoming. For now here is a bad photo of the woman behind the mask

Things I Already Knew

2011-05-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Still nice to have objective conformation.

The U.S. Will Tolerate No Dissent

2011-04-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

Prerna Lal is a immigration activist who the U.S. Government is trying to deport for the crime of being an effective advocate. Below I am reporting her blog entry on this travesty of justice.

My name is Prerna Lal. You may know me as one of the founders of DreamActivist or from the Immigrant Rights blog at Change.org where I have worked for the past two years to stop the deportations of several members of our community. I serve a board member for Immigration Equality and I was the recipient of a Changemaker Award at the South Asian Americans Leading Together (SAALT) summit this year. I am writing to you because I am currently sitting for my first-year law school exams at The George Washington University, and already, I'm facing the trial of my life. The United States government has decided to prosecute and deport me away from my family, friends and community. They sent me a notice to appear for removal proceedings last week.

I just paid $800 to the State of California in business taxes. And I'm expected to appear in an Immigration Court in San Francisco for this trial. That is some heavy taxation without representation. To make matters more complicated, my entire family is American and they have done nothing to deserve this treatment.

My grandparents were U.S. citizens. My legal resident parents brought me here when I was a minor. I grew up in this country. This is my home.

It make no sense for the government to spend thousands of dollars and several years in litigation to remove me from my home. In response to this atrocity, my friends have created a petition to top immigration officials to stop this ridiculous prosecution.

Our goal is to reach 5,000 signatures and we need more support. You can read more and sign the petition here:

http://www.change.org/petitions/keep-prerna-home-stop-the-deportation-of-dreamactivistorg-founder-prerna-lal

Your support is invaluable to me. Please sign, facebook, tweet and reblog the petition so that I can keep my family together and continue making worthwhile contributions to this country

Anarchy In Action

2011-02-02T20:49:00.001-08:00

In Tunisia and Yemen mass demonstration and civil disobedience have driven these countries presidents out and are reshaping the very nature of their governments. In Egypt the issue is very much in doubt but the government goon squads haven’t driven the people from the streets yet. All this has been done by a lose group of activists willing to put their lives on the line. Welcome to anarchy in action.

Another Late Night Thought

2011-02-01T23:38:00.000-08:00

Nothing profound, just annoyed out of my mind by the splint on my right hand. Wanting to get the thing off so I can take my Mini out and blast through the back roads with the CD at maximum volume. I can always count on loud rock and roll and driving way the hell too fast to make feel better.

A Not At All Random Thirteen Because I’m Fucking Pissed

2011-02-01T01:14:00.001-08:00

Megadeth – Angry Again
Alice In Chains - Angry Chair
Judas Priest - Judas Rising
Anthrax - Belly Of The Beast
Black Sabbath - War Pigs
The Clash – White Riot
The Clash - Revolution Rock
Danzig – Godless
Green Day - American Idiot
Guns 'N' Roses - Out To Get Me
Iggy Pop – Kill City
Megadeth – Symphony Of Destruction
Nine Inch Nails – With Teeth

Thoughts Of Sorrow, Thoughts Of Pain

2011-01-31T23:02:00.000-08:00

We who don’t fit into societies gender box have a painful road to travel. Weather we are cross dressers, transsexuals or gender queer we are all tarred with the same brush. We are ‘faggots’, sexual predators, and deviants, its not even worthy of being considered human. Boring isn’t it? And that is even sadder, this has all been said again and again and is sill true. Even our progressive ‘allies’ think nothing of using our very identities as a source of putt downs and cheap jokes. Fuck ‘em all, I’m angry and ready to put the boot in. Deeds not words are what I want now. If you work to help me and mine then I will call you friend and ally, if not then may you rot in hell.

The Friday Random Thirteen Continues

2011-01-21T15:06:00.001-08:00

Fire In The City – The Deviants
Perversion – Rob Zombie
Different World – Iron Maiden
Crossfire – Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble
Love Voodoo – Duran Duran
Gloriana – Michael Moorcock & The Deep Fix
Johanna – The Stooges
Summertime – Big Brother & The Holding Company
The Otherside – Afro Celt
Before They Make Me Run – The Rolling Stones
Commotion – Creedence Clearwater Revival
When The Whip Comes Down – The Rolling Stones
Green Instrument – Afro Celt

A Last Thought Before Sleep

2011-01-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

So it seems even odds rather Obama will defend Social Security and ask for a tax increase or sell Social Security out with benefit cuts and increasing the retirement age. If Obama goes for option twp it will put him to the right of Ronald Reagan. That there is even a chance of this, much less even odds, should convince any one that Ted Rall is right in The Anti-American Manifesto that we need a revolution.

A Short History Lesson

2011-01-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of the Opium Wars? The first Opium War was fought from 1839 to 1842. It started because the British had a balance of trade deficit with China until the British started exporting opium to China from their Indian plantations. Understandably the Chinese objected to this and when the arrested British opium dealers the British went to war and won. The second Opium War included the French who wanted in on the profits. The US was late to the game but after we had finished stealing North America from the First Nations we were ready to move out into the world so we came up with the Open Door Policy which meant everyone got a equal share of the spoils. And get in on the spoils we did. Many of the famous and respected of Yankee families got their start in the Chinese opium trade . Remember this the next time some politician blathers on about the ‘Drug War’.

A Little Music To Close The Night

2011-01-18T00:30:00.001-08:00

If we’re in Hell we’re going to burn

While we’re here we should havesome sympathy for the devil

Random Thoughts As I Try To Sleep

2011-01-17T00:51:00.001-08:00

For some reason I have been having trouble sleeping so you get the joy of my disconnected thoughts, lucky you.

I am a coward on many levels, not so much physical as emotional. That is why I am out to only select people. Not that I would ever deny who and what I am if asked but I have barely transitioned so it doesn’t come up. Most of the reason for my oh so slow transition is my fear of confrontation with those close to me. See, a coward.

I have a friend who has reached his limit. Too many people asking too much of him. He has done much for me and I feel useless to him right now. And so I make it about me again, fuck it all I want is to take his pain away and I can’t.

I despair at my fellow humans stupidity. We can all be stupid at times but right now we seem to be having a monumental outbreak of stupid. In the midst of recovering from a worldwide recession these cretins want to implement austerity. Yes that’s just what fragile economies need pulling a few billions out of them and knocking thousand into unemployment. Apparently they do not read history or they would know FDR made the same mistake moving to austerity just when the economy was picking up steam and sending back into recession. Now they want to repeat the error on a global scale. Hang on it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

A Few More Reasons To Celebrate

2011-01-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

I quite liked listing successful trans people so here are a few more.

Genesis Breyer P-Orridge gender queer pandrogynous musician, performer, artist and wrecker of civilization. Sylvia Rivera latina activist, Stonewall rioter and founding member of The Gay Liberation Front. Without her there would probably be no TBLG rights in this country. We should honor her by destroying the Human Rights Campaign. Billy Tipton jazz musician and band leader.

Quite simply there are a lot of trans women, trans men and gender queers who have fought the long odds and managed to carve out careers and families in a hostile world. Now we want the right to live our lives openly as who we are, we won’t give up and we’re tougher then you can imagine.

The Friday Random Thirteen Is Back

2011-01-14T17:05:00.000-08:00

Tuff Baby – Iggy Pop
Mass Production – Iggy Pop
Black Magic – Slayer
Sirius – Clannad
Break It Up – Patti Smith
Come Go With Me – The Beach Boys.
Sexy Boy – Kinky Boyz
Broken Arrow – Buffalo Springfield
Nobody Gives – The Kinks
Iron Head – Rob Zombie
Crazy Love – The Allman Brothers Band
The Jean Genie – David Bowie
Safe European Home – The Clash

On Being A Un-Person

2011-01-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

In the dystopian world of Oceania the worst fate was to become a un-person. Not only did you disappear you had never been. All record of your existence was erased.

Trans people face this fate all the time. If we are lucky our deaths are reported as ‘man living as woman’, if not we are ‘gay men found in woman’s clothing’ or ‘masculinly dressed women.’ We are buried under the wrong name with the wrong gender pronoun. Our lived existence is erased, who we really were is gone and we become un-person’s. We are forced to fight for our trans sibling’s identities so they can be remembered as who they were not as some bigoted relatives wanted them to be.

I just became aware of a nasty new turn to this erasing of our chosen identities, a greedy relative trying to re-write the narrative of a life while the person is still alive albeit gravely ill. Catherine Ryan Hyde is trying to appropriate Gender Warrior Leslie Feinberg’s identity. Please read Feinberg’s impassioned post and reblog it. Fight the un-person movement directed at trans people.

Looking For The Bright Side

2011-01-13T22:53:00.000-08:00

I’m looking for the bright side of life but having trouble finding it right now. Chrissie Bates murdered and then defamed by the media. Three of my trans sisters murdered in as many days in Honduras. The constant slander that we are all sexual predators who will use any legal recognition of our rights to assault women in bathrooms. Not really a lot of bright side there.

But then I remember those of us who have not merely survived but triumphed. Victoria Kolakowski who made history by becoming the first out tras woman elected to the bench. Lynn Conway groundbreaking computer scientist. Jamie Fenton who helped ot your mind by designing video games. Jeffrey Catherine Jones award wining artist. Vladimir Luxuria Italian actress and politician. Caroline Paige RAF fighter pilot. Parinya Kiatbusaba Mut Thai champion, actress and model. All these very successful trans women and many more are a inspiration to us all. They sow we can not merely survive but triumph. A very bright side indeed.

Another Double Murder

2011-01-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

Chrissie Bates was stabbed to death in her Minneapolis apartment this week. Then she was murdered again by the Minneapolis Star-Tribune . Their headline proclaimed ‘Man who lived as woman found slain in Minneapolis apartment’.She wasn’t a man living as a woman she was a trans woman. The Star-Tribune decided to ignore the AP stylebook and ungender her in death.

You might wonder why I even bother to write about this since it so regularly happens to trans women in death. That is the very reason I am writing this, because it must stop. For the most part the only coverage trans women and trans men get in the media is in the advent of our all too frequent murders. The media by ungendering and othering us help perpetuate this cycle of violence. After all it really isn’t murder of the person your killing is an it and some sort of freak. So I would ask that the media treat us with respect in death with the hope that those of us still living might be seen as human and allowed to get on with our lives. A probably vain hope but a girl can dream.

As I Slip Into Unconsciousness, More Late Night Thoughts

2011-01-11T23:28:00.001-08:00

Madness and mystery surround us all. We are walking chemical reactions, how much of ours lives are just chemical processes? Trans men and we trans women often chose to alter our nature with chemicals, specifically those very powerful things called hormones. They change our entire bodies and minds. I have changed the balance of the chemical reactions that make me me. I am now a different person, a Phoenix rising from a chemical fire

As I Slip Into Unconsciousness

2011-01-09T22:38:00.001-08:00

So it seems the AZ shooter was another broken human who was uneducated, lied to and betrayed by the society of selfishness around him He finally reached the breaking point and blew up killing and wounding all around him. There are a lot more like him out there and the selfish idiots keep putting the pressure on them and breaking of any relief valves. I fear there will be more explosion

And So It Begins

2011-01-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

I said there would be blood and now a district judge mas been assassinated and a congresswoman if fighting for her life with a head wound. This is the ‘second amendment solution’ the tea baggers were touting come to bloody life. Don’t think that this is a climax, it is still just the overture. The forces roused now will brook no set back however minor. They will react with rage and violence at any successful opposition. I fear war has come down and the hounds of hell unleashed.

What website do you spend the most time on?

2011-01-08T19:58:00.001-08:00

That is a changing target. For the moment it would be http://echobazaar.failbettergames.com/ a game that lets me play a character of indistinct gender

Ask me anything

Thoughts For A Dying Empire

2011-01-06T23:48:00.000-08:00

An occasional series, which I hope, will illuminate the twilight of the American Empire

Today three from Big Bill Haywood and a bonus from a random I.W.W. member.

For every dollar the boss has and didn’t work for, one of us worked for a dollar and didn’t get it.

A liberal is the guy who leaves the room when a fight starts.

The barbarous gold barons do not find the gold, they do not mind the gold, they do not mill the gold, but by some weird alchemy all the gold belongs to them.

You ask me why the I.W.W. is not patriotic to the United States. If you were a bum without a blanket; if you had left your wife and kids when you went west for a job, and had never located them since; if your job had never kept you long enough in a place to qualify you to vote; if you slept in a lousy, sour bunkhouse, and ate food just as rotten as they could give you and get by with it; if deputy sheriffs shot your cooking cans full of holes and spilled your grub on the ground; if your wages were lowered on you when the bosses thought they had you down; if there was one law for Ford, Suhr, and Mooney, and another for Harry Thaw; if every person who represented law and order and the nation beat you up, railroaded you to jail, and the good Christian people cheered and told them to go to it, how in hell do you expect a man to be patriotic? This war is a business man's war and we don't see why we should go out and get shot in order to save the lovely state of affairs that we now enjoy.

Yes I am an Anarchist and a I.W.W. mwember

Shocked, Shocked I Am!

2011-01-05T23:09:00.001-08:00

It seems the much-ballyhooed figure of $ 100 Billion the Republicans were going to cut from the discretionary budget is now non operational. On and Tax cuts do not count against the deficit anymore. The Republicans have nothing against spending so long as the money goes to the right sort. The sort who bankroll the little slime into office

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2011-01-04T22:06:00.000-08:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist.

But I found it more and more difficult, with free scope given to my imagination, to invent evidence which would suffice to convince me. Thus disbelief crept over me at a very slow rate, but was at last complete. The rate was so slow that I felt no distress, and have never since doubted even for a single second that my conclusion was correct. I can indeed hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished.
And this is a damnable doctrine. Although I did not think much about the existence of a personal God until a considerably later period of my life, I will here give the vague conclusions to which I have been driven. The old argument of design in nature, as given by Paley, which formerly seemed to me so conclusive, fails, now that the law of natural selection has been discovered. We can no longer argue that, for instance, the beautiful hinge of a bivalve shell must have been made by an intelligent being, like the hinge of a door by man. There seems to be no more design in the variability of organic beings and in the action of natural selection, than in the course which the wind blows. Everything in nature is the result of fixed laws. – Charles Darwin

Random Thoughts Before I Slip Into Unconsciousness.

2011-01-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

Back in L.A. again the place I grew up in. It takes a particular kind of evil madness to thrive in this place. We attract the broken and the dreamers from across the country and then feed on their broken bodies and shredded souls. This song who’s opening line was spoken by a homeless black man real does say it all

Who's the most overrated actor?

2011-01-03T22:16:00.001-08:00

Neal Patric Harris, a talentless little annoyance

Ask me anything

Are things getting better for transgendered people or is it kind of a topsy turvy rocky road towards acceptance and equality?

2011-01-03T22:15:00.001-08:00

Right now no. We have legal protection in 12 states & that has been true for a long time. Every attempt to expand our protections to new states has failed no thanks to Gay Inc. The only small step forward was the Federal Hate Crimes expansion that did include us and given how often we are murded that is something.

Ask me anything

The Final Trek

2011-01-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

Some background, My eldest Husky Freki died form Lymphoma just before Thanksgiving. Since the 28^th of December I have had a splitting headache and decreasing appetite. I begin to feel that Freki just went on ahead to scout the way.

Through the snowy waste we move toward the distant mountain range. Freki lunges through the snow breaking a trail for me to follow. As we push beyond the tree line I pause sweeting in my light grey fur lined leathers to survey the gently rising open land beyond. Just as Freki and I start up again Geri breaks from the forest behind us. I knew she would be close behind us, just not this close. We push on through the snow, Freki leading and Geri circling us both. Ahead is a dark spot that slowly resolves into a tall figure wearing dark leathers. It is directly in line with the path Freki is breaking for us. We will have to negotiate passage here I believe.

Just a fragment from my mind.

Because You Can Never Have Too Much Cthulhu

2011-01-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

More Random Reviews Of Stuff

2011-01-01T13:54:00.000-08:00

Because an ‘injury to one is a injury to all’ I was happy to see DADT repeal go through and the court fight against Prop 8 continue successfully. What I was furious and angry at was the total failure of the Employment Non Discrimination Act to even get to committee much less out of it. This failure has Democratic and assimilationist cis gay fingerprints all over it. After unprecedented Congressional hearings at which trans women and trans men finally got to speak for them selves nothing happened. The Democratic leadership (looks at fat white boy Barney Frank) didn’t even bother to release proposed language for the bill. The HRC and its clones exerted exactly no pressure on anyone to advance the bill. The only time ENDA was mentioned after that was when trans activist managed to generate enough pressure to get a few ‘real soon now’ noises out of the Democrats and HRC. After the pressure dropped there was only silence.

ENDA is way more important then repealing DAT or DOMA, ENDA is a life or death issue for many of the TBLG community. In 29 states it’s perfectly legal to fire people or deny them any services because of their sexual orientation. In 38 states there is no protection for gender identity or presentation. That means that people are in danger from dying in the streets because they can’t access any services or get a job. This is not theoretical; it happens to trans women with depressing regularity. So the cis gay ‘activists’ and Democratic ‘leaders’ that have done squat to advance ENDA, you have blood on your hands scumbags.

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2011-01-01T03:05:00.000-08:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist.

A triple feature for 2011

All thinking men are atheists. — Ernest Hemingway

Lighthouses are more helpful then churches. — Benjamin Franklin

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile. — Kurt Vonnegut

Are The Stars Come Round At Last?

2011-01-01T01:52:00.000-08:00

Given the state of the world I wonder if the stars are finally right and Great Cthulhu has at last risen from his tomb?

A few images to ponder over;

Random Review Of Things

2010-12-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

The first of a series of posts reviewing the year and looking forward to next year/this year depending on where you are. As always this will be a random stream of conscious process so expect no sense at all.

2010 brought the once resurgent Democrats low and the once moribund Republicans roaring back. This had nothing to do with the failure of Obama’s socialist policies because the weren’t socialist in the least. Obama on the domestic front was slightly to the right of Richard Nixon (my how old Trick Dick would have hated being called socialist). Nor was the Republican successful because American’s are basically conservative. It was due to the crappy economy; yes it’s still the economy stupid. The Republican strategy of unrelenting opposition to any thing and everything the Democrats wanted to do worked. The Democrats didn’t do enough over Republican opposition to revive the economy though they did manage to halt the slide to the abyss. If the Republican agenda of budget cuts, tax cuts and continued obstructionism can keep the economy from recovering or even get it to start sliding down again then their prospects in 2012 are so bright they’ll need to wear shades.

If they do succeed in 2012 then the Republicans will do what Regan and the shrub did, spend like drunken sailors with all talk of the evils of deficits conveniently forgotten. The problem for the Republicans is the sort of crony capitalism they practice has a short half-life and always ends in financial collapse.

Friday Random Thirteen

2010-11-05T16:46:00.000-07:00

Let’s see what’s queuing up on iTunes

Fame by Duran Duran
King Nothing by Metallica
Sympathy for the Devil by Guns ‘n’ Roses
Shake Appeal by The Stooges
Violence Of Summer (The Story Mix) by Duran Duran
Let’s Loot the Supermarket by The Deviants
Celebration Day by Led Zeppelin
On With the Show by The Rolling Stones
Piece Of Your Action by Mötley Crüe
Grandpa’s a porn Star by Weird Al Yankovic
Toad [Live] by Cream
Bron-Y-Aur Stomp by Led Zeppelin
Meet El Presidente (Meet El Beat) by Duran Duran

What would your perfect day look like?

2010-11-05T14:11:00.001-07:00

Not like any of the ones I'm having now

Ask me anything

Who's the sexiest man alive?

2010-11-05T14:10:00.001-07:00

A tough one but for various reasons if I have to pick one it would be Alexander Yoo, the man just makes me melt and can play me like a musical instrument.

Ask me anything

Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

2010-11-04T17:31:00.001-07:00

I would rather be in a committed relationship and I am. It is possible for me, however, to be in a committed relationship with more than one person at the same time. Yes I am polyamorus but only in one relationship at this time.

Ask me anything

What was your first paying job?

2010-10-31T00:21:00.003-07:00

Parking cars for a apartment complex on Sunset Blvd. over looking the Pacific Ocean

Ask me anything

Who's the smartest person you know?

2010-10-31T00:21:00.001-07:00

Lyne, my significant other

Ask me anything

A Fund For Sofia

2010-10-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

One of the major complaints voiced when Obama was pushing through his diluted version of health care reform was that bureaucracy should not stand between a patient and their doctor when it came to health care decisions. I totally agree with that, the one disagreement I have is that no bureaucracy, government or corporate should come between a doctor and their patient.

Sofia Benbahmed feels the same way, unfortunately her in case insurance company is standing between her and her doctor. Sofia has a eating disorder severe enough to require a residential program to treat. Sofia has health insurance; the problem is that her insurance company doesn’t want to pay the cost of a residential program. So Sofia is now fighting two battles, a medical one to regain her health and a legal one to get her insurance company to actually do what they should and pay for her treatment. So Sofia has set up a treatment fund to help pay for this double fight. The donations are tax deductable if made through FREED. Help stick it to a insurance company.

Things Horror Films Have Taught Me

2010-09-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

Always listen to your pets. In how many horror movies have we watched someone ignore their pets unease at a situation and wind up getting killed and/or eaten? Famously Harry Dean Stanton ignored the cats warning and got snatched by the alien in Alien. Well not this little girl, nope not me.

I was out walking after midnight with a husky named Blue at our local park. As we started down a side path Blue became very alert and stopped. At first I urged him to continue thinking it was just a squirrel or some such that had caught his attention but he did not want to go forward. At that point all the horror movies and the stupid people who ignored their pets came to mind. So I started back up the path only to find that Blue did not want to turn his back on what ever was in the shadows. After a anxious few minutes Blue was finaly willing to back up the path but only with frequent glances back.

While I will probably never know what was in the shadows ‘m still glad horror films taught we to listen to my pets.

It’s Friday And Time For The Random Thirteen

2010-09-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Another trip through my head via a shuffled iTunes playlist

Four Sticks – Jimmy Page and Robert Plant
Pure And Easy – The Who
Send For The Man - AC/DC
Running Wild – Judas Priest
Thursday’s Child – David Bowie
Long Long Time – Linda Ronstadt
Ride On – AC/DC
Save A Prayer – Duran Duran
Outside Woman Blues – Cream
Screaming For Vengeance – Judas Priest
Too Many Hands – The Eagles
Mystify – INXS
Trinidad - Puya

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-09-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

Take from the church the miraculous, the supernatural, the incomprehensible, the unreasonable, the impossible, the unknowable, the absurd, and nothing but a vacuum remains. – Robert G. Ingersoll

Yet More Queer Thoughts Before I Sleep

2010-09-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

I am non-binary in my gender and that can be a scary place. I am fully out to only a small handful of people most met through Gender Queer Revolution or though one of my gender queer friends. I present physically as very male as I have only been on estrogen for two months and on a very low dose at that. I am just staring to mix and match in my gender presentation. I am even using my chosen name, Natasha, at places like Star Bucks. I am lucky I live in L.A. where such ‘eccentricities’ are generally tolerated. Still I worry what may happen if I present more as the gender switching and gender fucking stone femme I am. There is a deep, ugly and violent misogynist streak in this country that gets feminine people killed no matter what they were assigned at birth. But I am old with not much time left so I think I’m going to risk everything to be who I really am before I die.

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-08-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes that deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanishe- Justin Brown

More Queer Thoughts Before I Sleep

2010-08-26T23:05:00.001-07:00

So fat white boy Glen Beck is going to hold a rally to ‘Restore Honor’ and ‘reclaim the civil rights movement’ on the 47th anniversary of Dr. King’s “I have a dream’ speech. A privileged self entitled white boy speaking to other privileged and entitled mostly white people. Yep that’s going to bring honor back to America the honor of genocide, slavery and empire.

Queer Thoughts Before I Sleep

2010-08-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

I have always been an outsider except when with other queers. So in all my social situations over the years I have been more like an anthropologist then a native. So some reactions to straight bourgeoisie society from a queer observer.

One thing you quickly become aware of as an outsider is the assumptions of a culture when you cease to share them. As an atheist I notice the ‘everyone is a Christian’ assumption, especially when I get invited to someone’s church. As a queer there is the ‘everyone is straight’ and its flip side ‘if they make me uncomfortable they must be a fag/dyke’. The last one is especially common among the more self entitled set.

That was fun, I must do some more soonish.

I Am, However, Queer

2010-08-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

Unlike the accommodationist gays and lesbians I revel in being queer and not fitting into mainstream anything. I’m consciously altering my appearance t please me not societies standards. I have 5 ear ring piercings, I ware polish on finger and toenails and light makeup. I am taking hormones to alter me mentally and physically while still presenting as ‘male’. Do I project gender dissonance? I don’t care, my gender is my own and I will express it as I please.

Thoughts For A Dying Empire

2010-08-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

An occasional series, which I hope, will illuminate the twilight of the American Empire

n the United States, the political system is a very marginal affair. There are two parties, so-called, but they're really factions of the same party, the Business Party. Both represent some range of business interests. In fact, they can change their positions 180 degrees, and nobody even notices. In the 1984 election, for example, there was actually an issue, which often there isn't. The issue was Keynesian growth versus fiscal conservatism. The Republicans were the party of Keynesian growth: big spending, deficits, and so on. The Democrats were the party of fiscal conservatism: watch the money supply, worry about the deficits, et cetera. Now, I didn't see a single comment pointing out that the two parties had completely reversed their traditional positions. Traditionally, the Democrats are the party of Keynesian growth, and the Republicans the party of fiscal conservatism. So doesn't it strike you that something must have happened? Well, actually, it makes sense. Both parties are essentially the same party. The only question is how coalitions of investors have shifted around on tactical issues now and then. As they do, the parties shift to opposite positions, within a narrow spectrum. – Noam Chomsky

Given today’s situation can any one doubt this is true?

Yes I am an Anarchist.

No I Am Not Gay

2010-08-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

I notice that Shaman of Hedon is re-fighting yet again the “your just a confused gay man’ battle. Cis gay men seem to love claming trans women don’t exist, that we are really just confused gay men. Well my answer to that is bullshit, there are a lot of trans women who are lesbians, many are bisexual and others like myself are spectra sexual. The point being that NONE of us are confused gay men. We are a diverse group of women who do not appreciate being erased by a bunch of clueless gits.

Yet More Movies I Like

2010-08-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

It’s all Jerry Coyne’s fault. He put together a list of his 20 favorite movies and invited everyone to join in. I have not forgotten I only got half way through, so here are the third group of five that are favorites of mine.

Performance

This movie altered my view of reality and gender. It starts as a gritty British gangster movie and then, after a homoeroticly charged fight and killing, veers off into a exploration identity, gender and performance. James Fox is the gangster on the run who finds shelter with Mick Jagger and Anita Pallenberg. Jagger is a musician looking for his lost demon/muse who pulls Fox into a radical self-examination of who he is.

If... (Criterion Collection)

The movie that introduced us to Malcolm McDowell in a look at the British private school as a microcosm of the brutally conformist society at large with McDowell as a anarchic rebel. Like Performance this movie blurs the line between fantasy and reality and never gives you a definitive answer to which is which.

Blow Up

A look at swinging London in the 60’s and a murder mystery or is it? David Hemmings stars, as a fashion photographer who may, or may not, photographed a murder. A deceptively leisurely paced but totally sucks you into it’s world.

Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy

OK this one is pure fantasy. A very fun and quintessentially ‘60s fantasy of space ace Barbarella played by Jane Fonda. You have drugs, sex and angels, what’s not to like?

Vanishing Point

The perfect nihilist road movie. A super charged Dodge Challenger, a handful of speed, and fifteen hours to get to L.A. The hero, played by Barry Newman, is doomed from the start and there is no real reason but amphetamine fuelled monomania for the chase. For a veteran street racer like myself it’s the perfect movie.

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-08-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.- Robert Heinlein

I know easy wasn’t it? Yes the common thread is all three of the last atheist quotes were from Robert Heinlein the Dean of Science Fiction.

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-08-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.- Robert Heinlein

There is a theme to this set of posts and it’s not that they are all atheist quotes.

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-08-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by H.Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the sacharrine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not recieve this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history. - Robert Heinlein

A Cry From A Gnu Atheist

2010-08-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

As atheists have become more vocal we are being accused of wanting to suppress religion. While I can only speak for myself this atheist does want to suppress religion but zie does want to de-privilege it. For instance I don’t care what a priest or imam preaches rather it is peace and love or all too often hate and bigotry. I just don’t want them doing it on my dime so no more automatic tax breaks for churches. If they are doing charitable work then they can apply as a non-profit if not they can damn well pay taxes like any other for profit enterprise.

When preachers step out side to pronounce on the issues of the day they don’t get to hide behind their holy book, justify their policies on their own merits if they can. And no more special exemptions from civil rights laws for them or from any other law at all for any church.

Maybe a couple of videos can express this best

and

Weeping In Depresion

2010-08-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

I suffer from depression. Depression is no joke it can paralyze you and drive to you despair and self destructive behavior. I’m lucky that I have, with the help of my therapist, learned to control it. Still today my depression caught me and left me crying in my bed and wondering if living was worth the trouble. I recognized what was happening to me and worked through it. Without the training and work I have done I probably would have been down for the week at the least.

The point of this little tale is if you are walking in the shadows of depression get help. I know that’s easier said then done under our idiot health care system but seek what

On Being Queer

2010-08-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

As I said recently I like being Queer and am proud of it. But what does it mean to be queer? I can only answer for myself, as the beauty of being queer is it is a different experience for every one of us. For me my Gender Queerness means my gender identity is more of a probability cloud then a point on a line. You might know where I am on the Butch/Femme, Male/Female, Queen/King line but not all at once. My fashion sense is more mix and match then men’s or women’s. I can be and have been sexual attracted to cis men, cis women, trans men, trans women and those like me who don’t fall into any of these categories. It is realizing that while our sense of gender is innate and part of who we are gender roles are societal constructs. For me it is walking in the spaces between.

Before I Sleep

2010-08-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

It’s hard times baby, even China is starting to feel the pinch. Of course this is nothing new to those of us who are queer, gender queer and or transgender. For us it’s always hard times. Maybe that’s why we can deal with the current times better then a lot of people. If freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose then we’ve been free for a very long time.

Night Thoughts

2010-08-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

Late, for me, and random thoughts run through my head.

Afghanistan is supposedly our longest shooting war. True if your counting overseas wars but we have been waging war on ourselves for nearly 80 years now. It is called the War On Drugs. It got rolling under Harry J. Anslinger who demonized Marijuana to give his Federal Bureau of Narcotics more power. The war was formally declared by Nixon in 1971. The U.S. Government has been losing ever since. Of course fighting a war against its own citizens has lead to high casualties such as the largest prison population in the world. It has also created a lot of very rich criminals. Way to go.

Well Prop 8 has been ruled unconstitutional for the moment so gays and lesbians are free to marry again in California. Hopefully this is a step on way to recognizing all forms of family. A girl can dream can’t she?

An Apology To The Shrub.

2010-08-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

It seems I owe an apology to G.W. Bush. As much as it pains me to admit that smirking drunken frat boy can actually learn from experience I am forced to admit he did. He apparently learned from the disaster that is Iraq and when Cheney and the neocon’s wanted to bomb Iran in 2007. The shrub actually was bright enough to realize what a unmitigated catastrophe that would be and refused to sanction it. So props to G.W. for doing one reasonably intelligent thing as president

Another Late One

2010-08-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

It's late again and I'm still shattered. I'm fiercely proud of being queer but don't really show it externally. So a request, I want ideas on presenting as queer. Not necessarily gender queer but queer in general. So all ideas appreciated.

Broken

2010-08-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

It takes a lot of strength to be a trans man or women. Strength I don’t seem to have right now. Maybe I’ll feel more up to this in the morning but maybe not.

To anyone who doesn’t want to give trans women there due as women, Fuck Off And Die!

Fuck it all I can’t even achieve incoherence tonight

Thoughts For A Dying Empire

2010-08-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

An occasional series, which I hope, will illuminate the twilight of the American Empire

We were not talking about the average white person: we was talking about the corporate money rich and the racist jive politicians and the lackeys, as we used to call them, for the government who perpetuate all this exploitation and racism.” – Boby Seale

Yes I am an Anarchist.

The Return Of The Random Saturday 13

2010-08-07T23:33:00.000-07:00

Thirteen songs as served up by iTunes. A look inside my head via songs I like

Goliath And The Vampires by Monster Magnet
The Guns of Brixton by The Clash
Locked And Loaded by Halford
I Wanna Grow Up To Be A Politician by The Byrds
Some Heads Are Gonna Roll by Judas Priest
The Best Is Yet To Come by Scorpions
Take Hold Of The Flame (Live) by Queensryche
Anarchy In The U.K. by Sex Pistols
I Was Made For Lovin’ You by Kiss
Get Up And Get Out by Iggy Pop
You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones
Black Velveteen by Lenny Kravitz
I Think Of… by Afro Celt Sound System

A Terrible Anniversary

2010-08-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

65 years ago to day the first nuclear bomb was used operationally on the city of Hiroshima. The bombing killed 80,000 people outright. The lingering effects have brought the death toll up to 125,000 eventually.

My father was a aircraft engineer during World War II and worked on the design of the tail of the second bomb Fat Boy. He never talked about his work at Los Alamos and considered nuclear weapons pure evil. He was right they are.

The Japanese, by all accounts from their side, were as motivated to surrender by the Russian entry into the war as by the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I can think of only one good thing that came out of these bombings, they were the perfect horrible example. 65 years later and no one else has used a nuclear weapon. So keep the memory of the evil that the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki represent and hope that is enough to keep nuclear weapons from ever being used again.

Late Again

2010-08-05T22:35:00.000-07:00

As in too late to do the post I wanted so you get some late night ramblings again.

Drop Dead Diva had a great episode last Sunday featuring a trans woman in one of the story lines. Not only did a trans woman play a trans woman but she wasn’t either a villain or a victim. It was the best & most realistic treatment of a trans person I have seen on TV ever.

I hate elections when neither choice can be called good. In California the governors race is between Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman , neither are even vaguely good and both will sell out to the highest bidder at the drop of a hat. All that being said Brown is still the better choice. I really whish the Green Party or the Peace and Freedom Party had any chance at the ballot box.

I leave you with this song that tells what we really need;

Peace and Love to you all

Atheist Quote Of A Random Day

2010-08-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

A continuing feature of this blog brought to you by just another atheist

In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point.– Friedrich Nietzsche

Reflections On A Month Of Estrogen

2010-08-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

I am only taking a very low dose of Estrogen, only 0.05 mg a day. This compares to the 4 mg a day my friend Carla is taking. For the moment I am more interested in the effects on my mind then my body.

I have been generally euphoric and laughed easier and more then before. While my breasts are even more sensitive then before I haven’t seen much development so far despite what Alexander and Carla say. Mostly I feel more balanced then before. I still have episodes of depression but they are far milder then before. I am still exploring the changes but so far so very good.

The Nuremberg Laws Revisited

2010-08-02T23:14:00.000-07:00

In 1935 the Nazi Nuremberg Laws striped Jews of their citizenship in the Third Reich and also defined who was a Jew. Jews had only gained their citizenship rights in 1870 in Germany and had never been accepted by large parts of the German population like the Volkisch movement .

The British Equality Act 2010, while far more noble in purpose, does something similar to the Nuremberg Laws to trans women. In the Gender Recognition Act 2004 trans women finally got official recognition of their gender and full rights as women. The Equality Act 2010 now strips them of their true identity as women and redefines them as transsexual women whom it is legal to discriminate against in certain circumstances. Given the long history of violence and murder against trans women and men this is a very disturbing law.

We need to rally and fight this before it spreads and undoes what progress we have made. It is bad enough to have no legal protections against discrimination but it is worse by far to be picked out as a class of people who it is legal to discriminate against.

Update: As pointed out in comments I left out a vital links that explain why I find the Equality Act 2010 so problematic.

Take 357 - Back to first Principals

2010-08-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

OK the last attempt at regular blogging failed miserably so back to the beginning I thin k. A few posts to re-introduce myself to start, then on to other things.

To those of you who have continued to come back in the until now, forlorn hope of new content thank you.

Stay tuned the queer girl is just getting warmed up.